The Super League continued to deliver stellar action in the first round of the playoffs this week. For the second year in a row, the lower seeded teams knocked off their favored foes. That now brings lower-seeded teams’ record to 6-0 in Super League playoff matchups (excludes the championship). Parity is a beautiful thing and getting upsets in the playoffs is what makes fantasy so fun. Median scoring is a great way to show the true strength of a team but once playoff time comes, that shit simply doesn’t matter. The two teams with byes this week would have lost to all other eligible playoff teams. Just absolute madness. Let’s recap the round 1 matchups and dive into our Semi-Final showdowns.
Round 1 Recap
A Victory for All Christians
Crushing. Just absolutely crushing. Before I talk about the game, I need to address Batgirl Nation:
Batgirl Nation,
I am absolutely fucking gutted. Heading in to the 2023 campaign, our team had high expectations. After a tumultuous 2022 season, we felt that our off-season moves and all of the work on the practice field put us in a position to compete for silverware. In the end, we came up well short of our preseason goals and I have no one to blame but myself. Our guys put in work week in and week out but when it came to the biggest game of our franchise’s life, I did not show up. There are many what if’s that came to mind this season. What if I had better prepared the boys in the beginning of the season? What if we had done enough to get that first round bye? What if Keenan Allen didn’t get hurt like he always does? What if Tank Dell didn’t get hurt during his first chance in a senior match? What if Breece Hall didn’t fucking suck? All of these what if’s mean absolutely nothing though. At the end of the day, our team did everything they could. It was me who failed you all. I’ll conclude this by saying that we are not done here. We are building something special, and I have the utmost confidence that in 2024 we will not only compete, but we will get our first trophy.
Sincerely,
Coach DeAngelis
It was written in the stars, wasn’t it? I have always been very careful about picking myself to win all season. It’s superstitious but after going through the 2022 campaign where I lost literally every week, I have found that never being confident in your team was the best way to keep my mental health in check. I should have fucking known this was going to happen. And the way it happened? Well, that could not have been any more predictable. I should have kept my big fucking mouth shut during the whole JJeff trade debacle. Because guess what? CMC fucking GASHED me. The Funkles started out this matchup at a blistering pace behind the play of Gardner Minshew and Ty Chandler. Yes, you read those names right. If there’s anything I’ve learned playing fantasy football, it’s that when the playoffs come around, watch out for the random guys your opponent has in their lineup because they will blow up almost every time. Amon Ra’s Saturday night performance gave the Batgirls a solid foundation heading into Sunday. While the projected score stayed relatively the same, ArSB’s night brought just enough confidence. Early on during Sunday’s slate, it appeared that an injury to Waddle may save the Batgirls season. In the end, it was a fake injury and that motherfucker decided to explode for 28.2 points, his best performance on the season.
In the end though, it wasn’t Chandler or Minshew or even Waddle that caused the irreparable damage. It was fucking Christian McCaffery. The often injured but Bonafide stud fucking did it again. You may recall that I was upset with the Funkles decision to reject my offer and take CMC. Well, that worked out quite alright. CMC’s 3 touchdown performance propelled the Funkles in to overdrive and set them up for a second consecutive semi-final appearance. Kudos to Jake. He was patient all season with his team and has dealt with a massive slew of injuries. And as a fellow United supporter, I am very much cheering for the Funkles to pull of the 6 seed miracle. Big time performance from the Funkles and very much deserving. GG.
Chased Out of The Playoffs, Again
As mentioned in last week’s preview, this was an odd matchup of teams taking different approaches to their builds. ZYN Dynasty has been all-in on winning since the first snap of a ball in the Super League while NIM has teetered on their overall plan multiple times. In the end, it was NIM who had the fucking juice. NIM‘s James Cook put on a fucking clinic against the Cowboys, rumbling for an electric 42.35 points which gave NIM a massive lead that seemed far too difficult to overcome. Cooper Kupp’s resurgence as well as Amari Cooper’s efficient performance did not hurt the Males’ chances either. Despite the most inefficient performance EVER by a running back, Derrick Henry was able to muster 9 points (thank god for the scoring format). What truly makes the Nine Inch Males current form so incredible is the lack of production from key pieces not affecting their overall team performance. Mahomes has been oddly mid while Justin Jefferson has yet to explode in a NIM kit. Players like that waiting in the dark is a SCARY sight for their upcoming opponents.
ZYN Dynasty on the other hand finally fell victim to their lack of depth (which I have noted ALL year). Najee Harris is not a startable RB in a 2-start RB format. Calvin Ridley is violently mid. Jamarr Chase is made of paper. While there weren’t any complete duds (Najee Harris scoring 3.3 points should be expected), there were no explosive performances from ZYN’s key players. James Cook stole Josh Allen’s shine, Tony Pollard was anonymous, and Chase was not able to stay on the field long enough to make an impact. For the second season in a row, ZYN Dynasty has lost in their first playoff game. They are frauds and they are in big trouble. They should have sold Kelce when his value was at an all-time high. Another year, another quick exit by Ben. Good riddens!
Semi-Final Preview & Picks
vs
#2 Sad Dads vs. #5 Nine Inch Males
- ALL-TIME SERIES: NIM lead the series (3-1). NIM has a 38.16-point advantage.
- 2023 Season: NIM & the Sad Dads split this year’s series 1-1 with Sad Dads outscoring them 330.98 to 316.06.
- 2022 Season: NIM were 2-0 against the Sad Dads in 2022 outscoring them 323.04 to 269.96.
- RECORD: Sad Dads hold both the median and matchup record advantage culminating in a 22-6 regular season record.
- STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE: Sad Dads have had a more difficult schedule than Nine Inch Males.
- Sad Dads played (9) playoff-eligible teams with a record of 6-3 in those matchups.
- NIM played (8) playoff-eligible teams with a record of 4-4 in those matchups.
The Sad Dads suffered a heartbreaking loss in the 2022 playoffs, ending their season prematurely. In typical Sad Dads fashion, they spent the offseason shaking and moving to get where they are now. Arguably the most active team within the market, they now find themselves in unchartered territory. A semi-final duel. They’ve boasted an ELITE RB group all season yet shockingly they only have two players in the Top 15 on a PPG basis. I am actually stunned as I type this and find that out. Bijan has not been an elite play like most expected and JT’s battle with injuries has been a huge issue.
NIM on the other hand battled decisions about their team all year long. They knocked off ZYN Dynasty in comfortable fashion last week and are heading to their first ever semi-final bout. Jefferson’s return as well as Kupp’s outburst last week have been a huge boost for the males. Concerns about Derrick Henry’s ability will obviously be there, but they have a pretty strong lineup heading into this matchup.
PREVIEW & PICK: A tasty matchup between two of the stronger, RB-heavy rosters. The Sad Dads have some tough matchups at the top half of their roster. Brock Purdy will be making his debut with the team against Baltimore while ETN and Kyren have some difficult defenses to duel with. NIM are playing with literal house money. They did not plan on being in this position but their roster construction has been sound, giving them a real shot in this matchup. While the projections say one thing, I see something very different. I think Cook’s opportunity to play that disastrous Chargers D gives NIM a massive advantage and I don’t quite trust the projections for some of the Sad Dads‘ running backs. NINE INCH MALES MOVE ON TO THE CHIP.
vs
#1 The Violent Beauregardes vs. #6 The Funky Uncles
- ALL-TIME SERIES: TVB lead the series (2-1). TVB has a 5.04-point advantage.
- 2023 Season: TVB are 1-0 against The Funkles this year outscoring them 158.91 to 112.26 in their only matchup.
- 2022 Season: TVB were 1-1 against The Funkles in 2022 with the Funkles outscoring TVB 325.83 to 284.22 on the year. TVB got their win against The Funkles in last year’s semi-final duel.
- RECORD: TVB holds both the matchup & median record advantage over The Funkles in 2023.
- STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE: The Funkles have had a more difficult schedule in 2023.
- The Funkles played (8) playoff-eligible teams with a record of 3-5 in those matchups.
- TVB played (6) playoff-eligible teams with a record of 3-3 in those matchups.
TVB have been a force all season. They set out early in the campaign to defend their title and have very rarely looked off. Their record against playoff teams has been less than desirable but to be fair, their counterparts put up league high points in 2 out of 3 of those contests. The obvious strong area of the team is their ELITE wide receiver group. They have 5 of the Top 15 WRs in terms of PPG. In terms of QB play, Dak has done a valiant job of keeping a QB1 pace but with some absolute duds sprinkled in. If last week’s performance was a sign of things to come, I would be VERY concerned as a TVB fan. The biggest area of concern for TVB is objectively their RB room. They have only one player in the Top 15 on a PPG basis and he’s currently injured (Pacheco). Austin Ekeler has regressed tremendously while Rhamondre has had a forgettable year.
The Funkles pulled of a stunner in round 1 and are looking like a legitimate threat in the playoffs. If history has shown us anything, it’s that the higher seed NEVER loses in these matchups. CMC does enough on a weekly basis to carry the points for two position players. He is such an elite piece on any team that he gives the Funkles a shot no matter what. Their QB situation leaves a lot to be desired, but Minshew showed last week that he is more than capable of carrying the load. The biggest concerns for the Funkles have to be: (1) Can Waddle perform with Tyreek back in the lineup? (2) Can Ty Chandler follow up last week’s explosion with even half of that output? (3) Can Minshew-Mania continue?
PREVIEW & PICK: Both of these teams have been here before, quite literally. They played this exact game last year, but the seeds were reversed in that one. TVB have been an absolute juggernaut all season. They’ve been one of the most consistent teams throughout and have done very little with their roster midseason. On the other hand, The Funkles have gone through changes galore but they’re now sitting pretty with a shot to head to a title game. Everything about this matchup says take TVB but guess what? FUCK THAT FUNKLES ROLL.
Only two more blogs after this boys. Let’s see who gets the best Christmas present this year in the form of a title game berth.
Sincerely AND With Love,
Your Beloved Commissioner
AverageFantasyFootballGuy.com 