There has long been a slanderous, fictitious notion that I only write blogs after I win. Will guess what you stupid bitches who say that? I put in all-time playoff performance in the semi-finals and did NOT write a blog despite the fact that I was about to play in my first ever championship. I looked back and I’ve only written one post-final blog ever. I technically have written two, but the other one was when I wrote an imaginary story about me winning the title because I would have outscored the finalists however, I lost in the first round. Let’s recap what ended up being an absolute all-time classic final that a majority of you likely completely missed.
Bitch, That Was a Funkin’ Classic
The showdown we’ve all been waiting for since the league was established 4 years ago. After three straight years of 1 and 2 seeds going 1-5 in terms of making the final, we finally got a real heavyweight battle as #1 TBB faced off with their arch-rival the #2 Funky Uncles. This was the third straight year these two have faced off in the playoffs with the Funky Uncles comfortably having TBB’s number as they took the last two meetings. However, the two came into this final with an even split in the season series.
This matchup ended up being an absolute banger. As Sunday night wrapped up, TBB held a marginal lead but a substantial projected one as both teams went into MNF with two players each. TBB rolled out fucking Kirk Cousins and Puka Nacua while the Funkles had Kyren Williams and Colby Parkinson. As the game went on, it appeared that Kirk Cousins and Puka had done just enough to keep the Funkles at a distance and with 6 mins remaining in the game (10:44pm), TBB lead the Funkles 133.65 to 125.28. In a span of 5 mins, Kyren & Parkinson were able to gain significant points and in a stunning turn of events gave the Funkles a 134.73 to 133.65 lead. But then, in what will go down as the greatest 11-yard touchdown in Super League History, Matthew Stafford connected with Puka to give the Batgirls an unbelievable victory 141.94 to 134.83.
For a majority of the game, there was very little concern on TBB’s end but the magic that football is made this an all-time classic. The Funkles will be devastated as they likely assumed it was over early on but clawed their way back into it only to have it snatched at the last moments. TBB get the monkey off their back and capture the title after three years of grinding for this moment while the Funkles once again walk out of the arena with the taste of defeat in the biggest possible moment.
The wraps up what has been another incredible year. Below is the draft order with the 4 lottery spots to be announced at 12pm EST.
DRAFT ORDER:
- Lottery announced at 12pm EST on 12/30
- Lottery announced at 12pm EST on 12/30
- Lottery announced at 12pm EST on 12/30
- Lottery announced at 12pm EST on 12/30
- Sad Dads
- Choking the Belichicken
- Transgender Cigs
- The Violent Beauregardes
- The Funky Uncles
- The Bitchin’ Batgirls
Signing off (for the final time this year),
Your Beloved Commissioner
AverageFantasyFootballGuy.com 