We are entering year 4 of the illustrious Super League. We somehow managed to make it three years without losing a team but over this offseason a soldier unfortunately perished. Due to the folding of the Spicy Boys, please welcome our new expansion (not really expanding) team Fantasy Football Team. FFT is ran by NIM’s much better-looking and healthier brother Eric. Welcome to the Super League young king.
The offseason was not only filled with the introduction of a new team, but we also got some big moves that shook up the league landscape. ZYN Dynasty has thrown in the towel in the most aggressive manner possible. Their team is beyond dogshit. They are so bad that it’s almost unfair that teams get to play them twice. Ben’s lucky that I have a laissez-faire approach to being a commissioner. The Trans Cigs were able to capitalize on ZYN’s firesale and bought back their former Cig in Jamaar Chase at a significantly discounted price. I mean seriously Ben, you fucking suck at trading.
Oh yeah, Ry was nice enough to welcome his brother to the league by trading away Jalen Hurts (and an injured Brandon Aiyuk) for Cam Ward (a 2nd) and Tee Higgins. Ry is a notorious Tee Higgins hater so this was extremely perplexing. NIM will be relying on fucking Cam Ward or Bryce Young to lead the males in battle this year. Yikes.
Other than that, it was kind of a quiet offseason. For the most part, the contending teams are content with their roster build while the shitty minnows below continue to chip away hoping to find a diamond in the rough. This should make for a very fun year 4.
Before we get into the upcoming season, below is the all-time rankings in the league…
2025 SCS Preseason Rankings
| Rank | Team | Points | Trend |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Sad Dads | N/A | ↔ |
| 2 | The Bitchin’ Batgirls | N/A | ↔ |
| 3 | Transgender Cigarettes | N/A | ↔ |
| 4 | 9 Inch Males | N/A | ↔ |
| 5 | The Funky Uncles | N/A | ↔ |
| 6 | The Violent Beauregardes | N/A | ↔ |
| 7 | Fantasy Football Team | N/A | ↔ |
| 8 | Choking the Belichicken | N/A | ↔ |
| 9 | The Portuguese Short Kings | N/A | ↔ |
| 10 | ZYN Dynasty | N/A | ↔ |
2025 Coaches Poll Preseason Rankings
| Rank | Team | Avg. Rank | Trend |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Sad Dads (3) | 2.40 | ↔ |
| 2 | The Bitchin’ Batgirls (2) | 2.70 | ↔ |
| 3 | Transgender Cigs (4) | 2.80 | ↔ |
| 4 | The Funky Uncles | 4.20 | ↔ |
| 5 | 9 Inch Males | 4.30 | ↔ |
| 6 | Fantasy Football Team (1) | 5.50 | ↔ |
| 7 | The Violent Beauregardes | 6.80 | ↔ |
| 8 | Choking the Belichicken | 7.80 | ↔ |
| 9 | The Portuguese Short Kings | 9.10 | ↔ |
| 10 | ZYN Dynasty | 9.40 | ↔ |
Week 1 Preview & Picks
vs. 
The Cigs are coming into the season as one of the premier favorites to take the title. They have struggled their first few years in the league but appear to be truly on the up. TPSK on the other hand are knee deep in the rebuilding phase. Cigs in a blowout.
vs. 
TVB’s brutal 2024 campaign saw them finish in 8th place as they shed talent to get draft capital for the future. CTB on the other hand continue to hang in limbo as they can’t seem to climb out of non-playoff purgatory. This is really tight on paper. TVB start the 2025 campaign with a win.
vs. 
The new kid on the block gets an incredibly favorable matchup to start the year as ZYN Dynasty are absolutely disgusting to even look at. FFT by 100+.
GAME OF THE WEEK
vs. 
An unlikely rivalry has formed between TBB and the Funkles. Though they have only faced each other 3 times in the regular season (that will change this year), they have played a total of 5 matchups against each other as the Funkles have ended TBB’s playoff hopes two years running. Both teams have made very little off season changes and are looking to continue to build on what was a relatively strong 2024 campaign. This is a tight one. I don’t typically do this but TBB should be able to get the job done.
COMMUNITY SHIELD
vs. 
This is the third straight year that a team from the previous year’s Community Shield is back in the big game. ZYN Cup Holders NIM are defending Community Shield champions while League Champion Sad Dads will be making their first ever appearance in the coveted kick-off cup. NIM’s offseason strategy has been a bit perplexing while the Sad Dads continue to hold on to talent and draft capital better than anyone else in the league. Sad Dads start their title defense off on the right foot.
I have yet to decide on how I am going to format these moving forward. I can’t sustain the level of wit or volume throughout the season. I will figure it out. I love you all.
Signing off for the FIRST TIME this season,
Your Beloved Commissioner
AverageFantasyFootballGuy.com 