We are down to the final fucking week, and it is going to ROCK. Every single matchup actually matters for what feels like the first time all season. We have a 3-way battle for the final two playoff spots & two battles for higher seeding between the 1/2 spot & 3/4 spot.
So Very Little to Say
There was a point during this matchup that TPSK were literally project 40 points and it dawned on me how fucking bad they are. I will not waste my breath on this matchup. Fucking gross. RIP to babyboy CMC. Not ideal timing.
Funkle Fever
The Funkles took care of business in Week 13 as they took down the highest scoring loser on the week in CTB. Joey B’s mixed bag game ended up not hurting them as much as expected as their RB room continues to perform. CMC’s injury was a huge boost to the team as they roster the 49ers fucking 3rd string RB. The Funkles are DANGEROUS! CTB on the other hand had a fantastic week and almost stole a median win from NIM (which I would have loved). Unfortunately, Vele’s early spectacular catch was all that he ended up with and CTB fell short of the median win (Which they totally did not want..).
Violet’s Vivacious Resurgence
If TVB had been on this run a few weeks ago, they may be a playoff contender. They continue to get (unwanted) production from some obscure faces. In addition to the oddball performances, Caleb Williams has really begun to come into his own and DJ Moore appears to be reaping the rewards. ZYN Dynasty will be gutted as their late playoff push took a massive hit with this result. They will now be unable to control their destiny heading into the final week and will need some help elsewhere.
Nicey and Spicy
The Spicy Boys put on an absolute show in Week 13 as they posted a top 6 score on the year! It was a massive week for them as their playoff odds had taken a big hit over the past week and they were facing a fellow playoff foe in the TCs. Their RB room of relatively forgettable names absolutely exploded as they accounted for 55% of their points. Bucky Irving has officially arrived and seeing Tee Higgins finally do something was a beautiful sight to see. The TCs on the other have to be devastated. This absolute ass beating puts them in a brutal spot but one in which they still control their own destiny. Despite Jayden Daniels fantastic performance, the rest of the cigs completely dropped the ball. Kyle Pitts continues to be absolutely fucking ass and their RB situation is a massive issue.
Ladd Lights It Up
The game of the week delivered the closest matchup of week 13 yet it also almost featured a median-less matchup as NIM were just able to scrape by with the double win. This matchup was characterized by NIM’s projects once again being ridiculously off. Since Week 2, Alvin Kamara has hit his projection twice out of the last 11 games… Great work sleeper! This matchup came down to a few things. Sad Dads were unable to get much of anything out of Justin Herbert, Chuba & TJ Hockenson while NIM continue to get unreal production from Brock Bowers (Dynasty 1.01????) as well as fellow rookie Ladd McConkey. The result firmly puts NIM in the driver seat as their Week 14 matchup is nothing too difficult while the Sad Dads are looking highly likely to take the 4-seed unless the Spicy Boys can give them some hope to hang onto.
SCS Week 13 Rankings
| Rank | Team | Points | Trend |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 9 Inch Males | 7092.11 | ↔ |
| 2 | The Bitchin’ Batgirls | 6838.72 | ↔ |
| 3 | Sad Dads | 6140.90 | ↔ |
| 4 | The Funky Uncles | 5707.22 | ↔ |
| 5 | Transgender Cigs | 4559.15 | ↔ |
| 6 | Spicy Boys | 4455.23 | ↑1 |
| 7 | ZYN Dynasty | 4399.57 | ↓1 |
| 8 | The Violent Beauregardes | 4003.47 | ↔ |
| 9 | Choking the Belichicken | 3801.17 | ↔ |
| 10 | The Portuguese Short Kings | 3020.50 | ↔ |
Coaches Poll Week 13 Rankings
| Rank | Team | Avg. Rank | Trend |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 9 Inch Males (2) | 1.33 | ↔ |
| 2 | The Bitchin’ Batgirls (1) | 1.67 | ↔ |
| 3 | The Funky Uncles | 3.33 | ↑1 |
| 4 | Sad Dads | 3.67 | ↓1 |
| 5 | Spicy Boys | 5.33 | ↑2 |
| 6 | Transgender Cigs | 5.67 | ↓1 |
| 7 | The Violent Beauregardes | 7.33 | ↑1 |
| 8 | ZYN Dynasty | 7.67 | ↓2 |
| 9 | Choking the Belichicken | 9.00 | ↔ |
| 10 | The Portuguese Short Kings | 10.00 | ↔ |
Stats & Info
Playoff Picture
1/2 Seed (1st Round Bye)
- NIM/TBB – NIM has a strong advantage as they are ahead by 1 game + have the point advantage. It would take a miracle for TBB to flip this seed.
3/4 Seed
- Funkles/Sad Dads – The Funkles moved in poll position this week after getting a double win while the Sad Dads lost both of their matchups. The Funkles have the tougher matchup in Week 14 and unfortunately for them have the worst PF. They’ll need a double win to feel comfortable about this one (assuming the Sad Dads can knock off surging TVB).
5/6 Seed
- Spicy Boys/Trans Cigs/ZYN Dynasty – BY FAR the most intriguing playoff area. 3 teams vying for 2 spots. Their records are near identical (ZYN Dynasty is a game behind the others) and their PF are all within 7 pts of one another. It’s fucking electric. Trans Cigs are a borderline lock for one of the spots. TPSK can barely field a lineup in Week 14 which will likely give the Cigs AT minimum one win on the week while the Spicy Boys & ZYN Dynasty have brutal matchups against two playoff teams. There are some crazy paths for any of these teams to get in but as I tried to figure them out my brain started hurting and I gave up!
Loser List as of Week 13
| TEAM | WEEKS THEY WERE A LOSER | LEAGUE FUND MONEY |
|---|---|---|
| Funkles | Week 1 | $5 |
| The Violent Beauregardes | Week 2, Week 3, Week 7, Week 8 | $20 |
| ZYN Dynasty | Week 4 | $5 |
| Trans Cigs | Week 5 | $5 |
| Choking the Belichicken | Week 6, Week 10 | $10 |
| Spicy Boys | Week 9 | $5 |
| TPSK | Week 11, Week 12, Week 13 | $15 |
Week 14 Preview & Picks
There’s no TRUE game of the week this week. They are all incredibly important in what will be the best final week in Super League history.
vs. 
ZYN Dynasty needs something magical to happen and could be in for a treat with Lamar’s bye week taking place as well as CMC’s injury timing. TBB sends ZYN Dynasty packing.
vs. 
The only way NIM lose this matchup is if they piss down their leg like Ohio State did on Saturday. NIM secure the 1 seed and potentially the best record in SL regular season history.
vs. 
The Sad Dads need some help in order to sneak into the three spot and coming up against one of the hottest teams in the league is not very helpful. That being said, they’re still too good for TVB. Sad Dads wait and see if the Spicy Boys can pull it off.
vs.
This is the theoretical game of the week as both teams will very much want to get a result in this one. Spicy Boys are HOT, and I love a good upset. Spicy Boys return to the playoffs to potentially wreak HAVOC.
vs. 
This is actually the worst game of the week. TPSK can’t even field a team. TCs get extremely lucky in this perfectly timed matchup and eviscerate the lowly Short Kings.
Signing off,
Your Beloved Commissioner
AverageFantasyFootballGuy.com 