The Weekly Report – Week 8

After the lowest scoring week of all-time AND on the year, Week 8 delivered the highest scoring week of the year by a pretty solid margin. The highest scorer of the year occurred by an unlikely team while the ZYN Cup rolled on in typical fashion with a massive upset.

Sunday Night Miracle

TBB had a rough go of things in Week 8 as some of their key pieces had massive down games. Heading into SNF, things looked bleak. When the game kicked off, it was a George Kittle show, giving CTB a further lead which seemed unlikely to comeback from. However, CD decided to go nuclear in the 2nd half and helped secure a massive victory for TBB. No team has been as hot as the Batgirls over the last 5 weeks. They’ve finished as a Top 2 team every single one of those weeks, a feat that no other team in the league can claim. They also lead the league in Top Scorer Weeks (3) and only NIM can claim as many Top 3 finishes (5) as them. COOKING. CTB ended up having a great week all things considered. They grabbed a median win, but I highly doubt they are happy about that.

Running Riot

The RB-Heavy Sad Dads once again put up some numbers this week as they finished in the Top 3 for the fourth straight week. They were beneficiaries of some solid output all-around with only one starter putting up less than double digit points which ended up being their TE. The injuries to Stefon Diggs & BTJ definitely hurt but with Wilson on the bench and Pickens continuing to heat up, they should be okay. They also made a wise move to go and get Evan Engram to help out their depth while they are going to be welcoming back TJ Hockenson who gives them a further boost. They are very much a contender once again. TPSK had a solid week, I guess? Trading away Jalen Hurts continues to be a massive fucking mistake. Stroud is good. Really good. But he is not a “break out for 35+ weekly, fantasy gem” like Hurts is. He’s younger and he will continue to be a solid play but the more I look at that trade, the more I vomit in my mouth. Jerome Ford is dead and those 2nd round picks are going to be 2.07s AT BEST.

This One Hurts

A league landscape changing result. NIM knew heading into MNF that they were either going to get a double win OR a double loss. The margins were very thin but the TCs only needed an average performance from Malik Nabers to get the result and to their benefit, that is exactly what happened. Despite an overall average week for the TCs, they were able to get arguably their biggest win of the season by knocking off the 13-1 NIM and ending their undefeated median streak. Starting Anthony Richardson was a fucking bizarre decision that I still don’t quite understand but in the end, it worked out for the Cigs who are comfortably sitting in that 5 spot and avoiding a playoff matchup against the remainder of the Top 3. NIM could not get carried by Jalen Hurts this week and finally fell victim to the median. Amari Cooper’s extremely poor outing was incredibly damaging, and they left an EGREGIOUS amount of points on their bench. They’ll be okay but at the moment, their biggest struggle is deciding who should actually start.

Chill, man. Nah, Tillman

ZYN Dynasty beat the fucking brakes off of the Spicy Boys and ended up scoring the highest total the league has seen so far this year. They only had one player who finished with a single digit score, who also ended up being their only person with less than 16 points. It was an all-around performance from yet again another team who did not want that kind of performance. The Spicy Boys on the other hand continue to try and push for the playoffs but just may not have the firepower truthfully. While they are currently still in a playoff position, this is their 4 straight overall loss and they’ve only been able to grab 2 median wins all year. They once again made some moves on Wednesday to attempt to bolster their team but it is going to take some insane luck to be able to inflict any damage on the league come playoff time.

TVB Funkin’ Suck

The TVB downfall has been quite a side to behold. While they currently sit in 8th place, they have the worst PF in the league and continue to look like a dog shit team. They’ve traded away some of their key pieces, but the future is truly bleak. They once again ended the week as the lowest scoring team bringing their total fine damage to $20. I am deciding if I am going to fine them according to the new rule for 4+ lowest scorer weeks… We shall see. The Funkles got the matchup win but once again were unable to grab a median win. Since their Week 5 explosion for 171+ points, they’ve now had 3 straight weeks under 130 points and no Top 3 finishes over that span. They always have the ability to blow up on any given week but with Jordan Mason potentially exiting the fold soon, things could get interesting for the Funkles.

SCS Week 8 Rankings

Rank	Team	Points	Trend
1	9 Inch Males	4383.54	↔
2	The Bitchin’ Batgirls	4190.81	↔
3	Sad Dads	4142.80	↔
4	The Funky Uncles	3366.74	↔
5	Transgender Cigs	2994.25	↔
6	Spicy Boys	2510.78	↔
7	ZYN Dynasty	2400.14	↑3
8	Choking the Belichicken	2299.61	↑1
9	The Portuguese Short Kings	2139.66	↓2
10	The Violent Beauregardes	2083.50	↓2

Coaches Poll Week 8 Rankings

Rank	Team	Avg. Rank	Trend
1	The Bitchin’ Batgirls (2)	1.75	↔
2	Sad Dads	2.25	↑1
3	9 Inch Males (1)	2.75	↓1
4	The Funky Uncles	5.25	↔
5	ZYN Dynasty (1)	5.50	↑5
6	Transgender Cigs	5.75	↔
7	Spicy Boys	6.00	↓2
8	The Violent Beauregardes	8.00	↓1
9	The Portuguese Short Kings	8.50	↓1
10	Choking the Belichicken	9.25	↓1

The 2024 Zyn Cup – QF Recap & Semi-Final Preview

Quarterfinal Recaps

Sad Dads defeat The Funky Uncles: The Battle of the brothers saw the Sad Dads once again get the upper hand in rather comfortable fashion.

The Portuguese Short Kings defeat The Violent Beauregardes: TPSK took care of the lowly TVB despite putting up the least number of points amongst the ZYN Cup eligible teams.

Nine Inch Males defeat Spicy Boys: NIM pulled it off despite another poor showing from them. Goodbye to the defending champs. No back-to-back this year.

ZYN Dynasty defeat The Bitchin’ Batgirls: ZYN Dynasty stunned TBB behind their league-leading Week 8 output. They were the only team to outscore TBB this week but thoroughly deserved their win.

Semi-Final Matchups

• The Portuguese Short Kings vs. Nine Inch Males: Two-week matchups are incredibly difficult to predict but NIM are going to have to spontaneously combust in order to lose this one on aggregate.
• Sad Dads vs. ZYN Dynasty: The pesky underdog ZYN Dynasty get themselves into an unlikely semi-final matchup. They may be able to put up a fight in the first leg but they are barely going to be able to fill out a roster for the second leg.

Stats & Info

Weekly Record vs. All Teams

Rank	Team	Combined Record
T1	The Bitchin’ Batgirls Sad Dads	56-16
3	9 Inch Males	55-17
4	The Funky Uncles	41-31
5	Transgender Cigs	33-39
T6	Spicy Boys ZYN Dynasty	27-45
8	Choking the Belichicken	25-47
9	The Portuguese Short Kings	24-48
10	The Violent Beauregardes	16-56

Loser List as of Week 8

TEAM	WEEKS THEY WERE A LOSER	LEAGUE FUND MONEY
Funkles	Week 1	$5
The Violent Beauregardes	Week 2, Week 3, Week 7, Week 8	$20
ZYN Dynasty	Week 4	$5
Trans Cigs	Week 5	$5
Choking the Belichicken	Week 6	$5

Week 9 Preview & Picks

vs.

TVB is trying to set a record for how fucking shitty you can be. Give me the team who tried to trade for CMC this week with a 2nd round pick… CTB handle a fellow shitty team.

vs.

This matchup sucks. ZYN Dynasty have more firepower though. ZYN Dynasty get the win.

vs.

The Sad Dads have an insanely soft schedule for the top tier guys and should be able to take care of the TCs. Sad Dads continue their push for the bye.

vs.

It’s a blowout on paper but that’s not how fantasy works. TBB have some tough matchups, but the Spicy Boys lack a real threat. TBB get another one on the board.

GAME OF THE WEEK

vs.

A great matchup and a double TE play by the Funkles. NIM are continuing their RB heavy rollout and it should once again pay dividends for them. NIM get back on track.

Signing off,

Your Beloved Commissioner