Finally! A half decent weekend of football. The Alabama-Georgia game was electric. Notre Dame is SO back. A couple upsets. This is what we wanted! The NFL on the other hand still continues to suck but it’s okay. Maybe it will get better? Luckily there were no catastrophic injuries this week. Oh, and the Super League finally had 3 teams finish with 50+ points! In all seriousness, the NFL is desperately in need of a banger and the big teams have just not been able to produce them. The great teams have been boring this year and whenever two of them go head-to-head, one of them just beats the fucking shit out of the other one. Oh well. Fantasy still rocks.
Steele Oats & Uncooked Rice
This week’s iteration of the poopy bowl saw TPSK take on the mighty Spicy Boys. TPSK was feeling good after their week 3 double win, but the Spicy Boys served them a heaping serving of humble pie. The game went into MNF practically neck-and-neck with TPSK’s DK Metcalf & Tyreek Hill still to play while the Spicy Boys had David Montgomery &Tyjae Spears. The duo of Spears and Montgomery fucking pulled it off for the Spicy Boys to give themself a baby win streak before they ended up losing to the median. The big stories out of this matchup are not related to MNF. Rather, both teams lost key pieces for the rest of the season. TPSK’s RB3 (and fill-in RB2 for Mixon), Carson Steele lost his fucking job already. Andy Reid went the cunty Bill Belichick route and gave Steele a single carry after his unfortunate fumble early in the game. His value is dead. I hope he enjoyed the NFL. You know who had an even worse afternoon? Rashee Rice. Rice has somehow dodged the bullet of a lengthy suspension for his need for speed in the offseason, but he was unable to dodge Patrick Mahomes’ pick-me ass who dove into a tackle like a fucking idiot because he threw his 5th fucking pick (2nd in the league only to ARich & Goat Levis). Rice is fucked and probably out for a minimum of a year if you combine the sussy with the injury. BAD break.
Violet Needs A Walker After That Shelling
TVB have known they were dead for a quite a while now, but the results have not been getting any better each week. Their offseason trades have not worked out too well and the injury bug is obsessed with them. On a bright note, Kareem Hunt looks like he’s won the temp job and could help soften the blow until Pacheco gets back. For what it’s worth, I am not as low on TVB as the rest of the coaches are. I do believe if the timing works in their favor, they should be able to make the playoffs and an experienced team like them is one I would NOT want to face. TBB had a stellar week finally showing off what many had expected of them prior to the start of the season. Lamar is looking like a superstar again, KWalker’s career game on MNF helped seal the deal and Amon-Ra has added further issues to the pending QB logjam at the Batcave. TBB’s poor start to the season has been a shock to many but if they are able to stay afloat and get CMC back within a reasonable timeframe, SHEEESH.
ZYN Dynasty? More Like ZYN TRAVESTY!
NIM once again dismantled their opponent, bringing their record to an incredible 8-0. Despite some really shitty performances from key players, they handily defeated the lowly Zyn Dynasty who have dropped to 2-6. Raheem Mostert’s MNF performance was not enough to garner a comeback for the lowly ZYNNERS and Chase’s typical 3 receptions for 80+ and a TD performance doesn’t exactly inspire hope for them. Kelce did catch a break when Mahomes took out Rice, giving him a chance to gain some relevancy as the season progresses. Can Michael Thomas return to the NFL and help out? Why didn’t they start Deebo? Wait, what the fuck is going on? Ben, are you tanking without any draft picks? I bet he’s going to drop out of the league soon because he sucks. Damn shame.
Ciggalicious
The Cigs got back to winning ways with some help from their MNF contingent. Gibbs & Jamo combined for 38+ to help the Cigs secure a double win on the week and officially the 2nd best record in the league. A true rags to riches story. Reminds me of a team that had a similar fortune last season. Let’s see what happens! Anyway, Jaden Daniels continues to prove that he is in fact the real deal while their young WR group is producing at an alarmingly high clip. The TCs are here to stay but starting Kyle Pitts is eventually going to turn into a liability. He was back but he’s so not back. CTB is once again in this weird position. Kinda good, kinda not. Their output this week was more than respectable, finishing the week as the 6th highest scorer. Their roster is also pretty damn good and could see a big boost in the coming weeks. Jayden Reed is a gun, Worthy should see more production with Rice out and Diontae Johnson is clearly a winner of the Bryce Young benching. I think their record is a bit harsh all things considered (and it appears the computer agrees with me).
They’re Kinda Funkin’ Good
The Funkles have once again gotten the best of their elder brother foe in a classic battle of the brothers. Some shocking performances helped give their score a hefty boost as Swift & Christian Kirk finally came to life. They even put up the third highest output on the week despite a poor performance from star RB Achane. Keeping Jordan Mason has proven to be a huge help in the interim and they are proving to be a lot better than I expected. However, they may be teetering with the purgatory of mediocrity and it’s a dangerous place to be. Just ask the Philadelphia Flyers. The Sad Dads had a decent week and will be more than happy to claim a coveted median win. Garrett Wilson’s form has to be a slight concern but overall the loaded RB room is getting the job done. You never want to see negative points on the board though. That’s for sure.
SCS Week 4 Rankings
| Rank | Team | Points |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | 9 Inch Males | 2399.84 |
| 2 | Sad Dads | 1917.10 |
| 3 | Transgender Cigarettes | 1896.55 |
| 4 | The Bitchin’ Batgirls | 1777.95 |
| 5 | The Funky Uncles | 1545.84 |
| 6 | Choking the Belichicken | 1307.79 |
| 7 | The Portuguese Short Kings | 1207.13 |
| 8 | Spicy Boys | 1172.01 |
| 9 | ZYN Dynasty | 1114.27 |
| 10 | The Violent Beauregardes | 1098.58 |
Coaches Poll Week 4 Rankings
| Rank | Team | Avg. Rank |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | 9 Inch Males (2) | 1.75 |
| 2 | Sad Dads (1) | 1.75 |
| 3 | The Bitchin’ Batgirls (1) | 2.75 |
| 4 | Transgender Cigs | 3.75 |
| 5 | The Funky Uncles | 5.00 |
| 6 | Choking the Belichicken | 7.00 |
| 7 | The Violent Beauregardes | 7.50 |
| 8 | Spicy Boys | 8.00 |
| 9 | The Portuguese Short Kings | 8.50 |
| 10 | ZYN Dynasty | 9.00 |
Stats & Info
Scoring Comparison
| Category | 2023 | 2024 |
|---|---|---|
| League Average | 135.20 pts | 125.53 pts |
| Highest Score | 202.11 pts (TVB) | 167.05 pts (NIM) |
| Lowest Score | 79.36 pts (Trans Cigs) | 85.41 pts (Funkles) |
| Under 100 pts | 5 Teams | 5 Teams |
Combined Top 10 Scores
| Rank | Year | Score |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2023 – Week 3 | 202.11 pts (TVB) |
| 2 | 2023 – Week 3 | 192.89 pts (NIM) |
| 3 | 2023 – Week 3 | 191.17 pts (ZYN) |
| 4 | 2023 – Week 2 | 176.95 pts (Sad Dads) |
| 5 | 2023 – Week 4 | 176.94 pts (TVB) |
| 6 | 2023 – Week 1 | 169.02 pts (TVB) |
| 7 | 2024 – Week 2 | 167.05 pts (NIM) |
| 8 | 2024 – Week 3 | 161.95 pts (Sad Dads) |
| 9 | 2024 – Week 2 | 157.29 pts (Trans Cigs) |
| 10 | 2024 – Week 1 | 156.11 pts (Sad Dads) |
Loser List as of Week 4
| TEAM | WEEKS THEY WERE A LOSER | LEAGUE FUND MONEY |
|---|---|---|
| Funkles | Week 1 | $5 |
| The Violent Beauregardes | Week 2, Week 3 | $10 |
| ZYN Dynasty | Week 4 | $5 |
Week 5 Preview & Picks
vs. 
The bye week bug has finally begun and both teams take a slight hurt from this early bye. However, TPSK take the bigger hit as they will be without their QB(s). If Mixon is able to come back it could be a good matchup but we shall see. TBB should be able to take care of business.
vs. 
Both teams are completely decimated by the bye week but the Spicy Boys have like 30 dudes eligible for IR. Trans Cigs get lucky as shit.
vs. 
The league is currently investigating ZYN Dynasty as they may be partaking in conduct detrimental to the league. It doesn’t matter. They’re completely falling off the rails and that helps the other derailed train. TVB in a battle of the shitty teams.
vs.
The Funkles are one of the few teams not effected by the bye week so they shouldn’t have too much trouble against CTB. Funkles continue their unexpected hot start.
GAME OF THE WEEK
vs. 
It’s a shame that the Sad Dads are hit with some byes & injuries while arguably the most fortunate team has absolutely no one on a bye. A potential championship level preview should see NIM take another soul and go to 10-0.
Signing off,
Your Beloved Commissioner
AverageFantasyFootballGuy.com 