Football has been kind of ass to start the year. QBs have been mostly mid, RBs around the league are losing their jobs because they suck so much, and everyone just keeps fucking getting hurt. I haven’t been this unenthused during football season in a while and truthfully it is making these blogs even more difficult to write. I don’t know what the solution is, but the NFL needs to figure it the fuck out cause this shit is ASS!!
Jawn Jennings Show
TPSK finally got on the board this week with an unexpected drubbing of CTB. Despite overall shit outputs from most of their star players, they were able to get one key player to absolutely explode. That key player? Juan Jennings. Yes folks, you heard that right, Jennings exploded for 44.25 points with a career day. If I had to bet, this flukey result will completely push Mata into contender mode even though Jennings in his 5-year NFL career has gotten double digit points 5 times. CTB struggled to get output from their WRs as Olave ended up leading the group of less than stellar performers. Goedert’s explosion was a welcome change that could give them a big boost for the rest of the year. Overall, this was not the result I expected, and it was a rather uneventful matchup.
Violet’s Blues Continue
The Violet Beauregardes’ brutal start to the 2024 season continued in Week 3 as the fell to the 0-4 Spicy Boys. TVB finished as the lowest scoring team for the 2nd consecutive week and are 1 loss away from having as many losses as they had all last season. Dak’s garbage time push for a comeback actually helped them have a somewhat respectable score but overall, it was a really bad week for TVB. Their struggles with injuries and poor performances from stars continue to cause serious issues within the team. They have completely plummeted in both the SCS & Coaches’ Poll rankings and could be in for a brutal 2024 campaign. The Spicy Boys on the other hand had a fantastic week behind consistent play across the board. Kyler Murray’s floor has been dramatically raised this season and their ragtag RB group has been able to put together solid weeks for them. They could end up sneaking up and being a lot better than many expected. The coaches & computer fucking hate them but FUCK THE COACHES AND COMPUTER. SPICY BOY NATION RISE UP!
Holy Fucking Bloodbath
I prematurely wrote this headline on Monday prior to the start of the Bills’ Game but I would argue that is still rings true. Josh Allen accounted for more than a 1/3 of ZYN Dynasty’s points this week. This has been a common theme of ZYN Dynasty throughout their tenure in the league. Chase has taken the crown that Kelce once wore and is the #2 on the team in carrying the load. This team is fucking ass and cannot survive trying to win like this. The Sad Dads on the other hand got back to winning ways behind a plethora of high scoring performances. Their RB heavy strategy continues to pay dividends, and the Brock Purdy experiment continues to work pretty damn well. They are very clearly a top team in the league and should continue to make a strong argument for being the top team in the league.
Transcontinental Derailment
The Trans Cigs miraculous beginning to the campaign finally came to an end this week as the Funkles were able to derail their hopes of going undefeated. The TCs continue to use the deadly tactic of changing QBs each week with the bench QB once again outscoring their chosen starter (Jayden Daniels not only would have secured them the matchup win but the median win as well…). Overall, they will not be too upset as expectations were not set too high coming into the season, so a 4-2 start is an excellent early return for last year’s bottom dwellers. The Funkles on the other hand continue to live in this limbo of being kind of good but maybe not good enough. They are more than likely a playoff team but don’t really possess the firepower of a contender. They will likely spend most of the year playing spoiler and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that!
Just The Tip
NIM won their 3rd consecutive matchup to begin their title defense campaign at 6-0. They currently have the lowest points against but boast the highest points for so the PA is a bit irrelevant. Their RB group continues to put up absurd numbers (2nd in avg. RB scoring & 1st in total pints) while their WR rotation has worked out so far. Odunze had a breakout game (which likely sealed the match) and Shakir’s MNF performance put them comfortably over the line. They are very clearly the top force in the league at the moment and truthfully have the depth to handle some adversity should it come their way. TBB on the other hand continue to struggle to fill out their lineup with CMC missing. Lamar continues to perform very well and their WR trio has been more than capable. The issue lies in their depth (a strength of TBB last season) and without capital, it will be difficult to do much to improve that situation.
SCS Week 3 Rankings
| Rank | Team | Points |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | 9 Inch Males | 1850.24 |
| 2 | Sad Dads | 1457.20 |
| 3 | Transgender Cigarettes | 1292.00 |
| 4 | The Bitchin’ Batgirls | 1175.09 |
| 5 | The Portuguese Short Kings | 1017.55 |
| 6 | The Funky Uncles | 971.10 |
| 7 | ZYN Dynasty | 955.09 |
| 8 | Choking the Belichicken | 930.29 |
| 9 | Spicy Boys | 918.27 |
| 10 | The Violent Beauregardes | 864.24 |
Coaches Poll Week 3 Rankings
| Rank | Team | Avg. Rank |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | 9 Inch Males (3) | 1.40 |
| 2 | Sad Dads (1) | 2.00 |
| 3 | Transgender Cigs (1) | 3.00 |
| 4 | The Bitchin’ Batgirls | 3.80 |
| 5 | The Funky Uncles | 5.20 |
| 6 | Choking the Belichicken | 7.00 |
| 7 | ZYN Dynasty | 7.80 |
| T8 | The Portuguese Short Kings The Violent Beauregardes | 8.00 |
| 10 | Spicy Boys | 8.80 |
The Return of Stats & Info!
RUNNING BACK AVERAGE AS OF WEEK 3
| RANK | TEAM | AVG |
| 1 | Sad Dads | 22.16 |
| 2 | 9 Inch Males | 20.68 |
| 3 | The Funky Uncles | 18.28 |
WIDE RECEIVER AVERAGE AS OF WEEK 3
| RANK | TEAM | AVG |
| 1 | ZYN Dynasty | 16.27 |
| 2 | Transgender Cigs | 15.93 |
| 3 | The Bitchin’ Batgirls | 13.70 |
TIGHT END AVERAGE AS OF WEEK 3
| RANK | TEAM | AVG |
| 1 | Choking The Belichicken | 16.37 |
| 2 | 9 Inch Males | 10.48 |
| 3 | Sad Dads | 9.28 |
Loser List as of Week 3
| TEAM | WEEKS THEY WERE A LOSER | LEAGUE FUND MONEY |
|---|---|---|
| Funkles | Week 1 | $5 |
| The Violent Beauregardes | Week 2, Week 3 | $10 |
Week 4 Preview & Picks
vs. 
TPSK finally notched their first result(s) of the 2024 campaign and are beneficiaries of a relatively soft week 4 matchup against the Spicy Boys. The Spicy Boys are struggling statistically but have shown some fight in many of their matchups. I think they can pull this one off. Spicy Boys start a baby win streak.
vs. 
A matchup that would have been an absolute must see in the beginning of the season has turned into somewhat of a forgetful one. Both teams are struggling to keep up as injuries have been a massive issue. TVB still haves some punch that could see them get a result any week and are beneficiaries of some easier matchups. However, I’d expect TBB to have just enough to get them over the line. TBB in a tighter one than you’d expect.
vs. 
ZYN Dynasty is riding the coattails of Josh Allen and are simply no match for the defending champs. NIM comfortably continue their insane start to the year.
vs.
The TCs finally met their maker and got exposed for their lack of depth. Week 4 sees them face off with another team whose had a bit of an odd start. Are they good or are they bad? Goedert carried much of the load in Week 3 and a repeat of that performance will be difficult to foresee. TCs get back on the board.
GAME OF THE WEEK
vs. 
The infamous battle of the brothers. On paper it is insanely tight but with the current numbers the Sad Dads have been putting up, I think that those projections are off. Sad Dads claim the King McKinstry title.
Signing off,
Your Beloved Commissioner
AverageFantasyFootballGuy.com 