A great week. Some big trades. Some big performances. But the biggest performance was probably me on Saturday night. Coming into the week, I was 0-2 on making it through the night on my last two Saturdays. I had a tendency to imbibe and medicate a HAIR too much. Well, this week, it was I who was the last one standing while Ry was calling an uber at 1:30. Anyway, an incredibly high scoring week in the Super League made for some thrilling fucking matchups. Let’s check it out baby.
Week 8 Recap
Someone Had to Win This One
As they say, not all matchups are created equal, and this matchup definitely fits swimmingly into that statement. However, sometimes what shows on paper is not the whole truth and we shockingly got an exciting matchup out of these two “Make-A-Wish” teams. TPSK got their production from their typical key cogs in Jalen Hurts, Jordan Addison & Dalton Kincaid. What was really sweet is that Joe Mixon decided to take some time away from punching drunk, racist white girls and put in a shift. The Spicy Boys on the other hand almost pulled off the win behind some stellar performances from geriatrics DeAndre Hopkins & Brandin Cooks. There is not much more to say about this game as though it was exciting, it means virtually nothing for the overall landscape of the league. These are two teams are just trying to grind their way through the rest of the season and hoping that a 20-year-old college kid can revive their flailing franchises.
Running Backs Run Riot
The Sad Dads continue to go against the grain and trot out aggressively RB-heavy lineups. And once again, it fucking worked. Even with Arthur Smith’s terroristic usage of Bijan Robinson, they were still able to grab almost half their team’s points via the running back position. Javonte Williams very much looks like his old self and JT is slowly carving his workhorse role back. Zach Moss shockingly continues to steal goal line carries but when you have players like Etienne at your disposal, a JT TD may rarely even be necessary. Kirk Cousins also had a good week for the Chargers which is a huge boost. The decision to bench Wilson and start Josh Palmer may not have hurt them this week, but that is something that could cause a catastrophe in a bigger matchup. Maybe it was a sign of gamesmanship. CTB on the other hand had a tough week as they continue their tank. Newly acquired Josh Jacobs put in a solid MNF performance but the rest of the team fell a bit flat this week. Dameon Pierce definitely sucks and Jakobi Meyers’ steam may slowly be running out.
Alvin & the QB Hunk
Joe Burrow is handsome and is finally starting to play good football. This is a massive sign for the Funkles as they have done a pretty incredible job at keeping their team afloat without JJeff & Achane. They were counted out when those injuries took place, but they find themselves in a very good position at the moment. However, an injury to Trans Cigs QB Kirk Cousins may not bode well. Unless the Vikings make a move today for a QB, could they consider shutting JJeff down? We shall see! Anyway, Alvin Kamara is most definitely fucking back which could be a huge asset as they make a playoff push. Continuing to start Jaleel McLaughlin and Mattison is borderline terrorism but when you’re the third highest scorer on the week, I guess it doesn’t really fucking matter. The Cigs have to be fucking devastated. Losing Kirk Cousins was a huge boost to their tanking, but Jahmyr Gibbs did not get the memo as he rumbled for 36 points and just barely snatched a median win away from ZYN Dynasty. Normally, wins are good in fantasy football but when you are actively trying to get a higher draft pick, it simply isn’t helpful.
CeeDeez Nuts PUSSY
Ahhhhhhhh. What a shame. ZYN Dynasty came into this game with a fire lit under them as they have been upset with their lack of “recognition”. They felt that their accolades last year (Regular Season Champ with a first-round exit) should have been enough to keep them amongst the top teams in the league. Well, I got some fucking news for you, BROTHER. The Bitchin’ Batgirls are here, and they are not leaving any time soon. TBB dismantled their cross-street rivals even without great performances from some key players. Newly acquired Lamar Jackson put in a bit of a stinker but CeeDee Lamb was able to carry the torch for the girls as he put on a show. ZYN Dynasty has to be concerned as their window of opportunity is slowly closing. Mostert will be rendered useless when Achane returns & Tony Pollard is slowly showing that he fucking sucks. Get fucked!
This May Be IS Unfair
TVB are simply a wagon. There is really no other way to put it. Every fucking week, they churn out a smooth 160+ point week and it rarely matters how many underperformers they have. They are just that fucking good. Talking about them is boring and with what is to come in the blog in a bit, it’s not going to get much better for the league. I would argue at this rate that if they don’t win the Commissioner’s Cup, the season was a complete failure. People though Free Deshaun (now known as ZYN Dynasty) were a wagon last year but what TVB is doing is on a completely different level. NIM on the other hand are reeling. They’ve lost two straight, albeit to formidable opponents. Mahomes has been oddly inconsistent, and Cooper Kupp may not necessarily be back. They are still a very good team and will comfortably make the playoffs but the additions that they’ve made to their team have somehow not made them better. Their manager is extremely down on the team and even hinted at a potential fire sale. They are definitely one to watch as me move closer to the trade deadline, however I think that is more than likely just Ry being a dramatic little bitch.
2023-2024 Post-Week 8 Power Rankings
- The Violent Beauregardes (14-2) [-]: There’s very little to say. They simply can’t move from this position.
- Sad Dads (14-2) [-]: Any other year they are the #1 but TVB refuse to let go of the reigns at the top.
- The Bitchin Batgirls (11-5) [UP 1]: 6 straight matchup wins and 8 straight overall wins now. They are cruising but will likely not be able to move any higher than this.
- ZYN Dynasty (9-7) [UP 1]: A good and shockingly balanced week for the Zynners sees them move up the rankings but not through their own work. They fell to their bitter rivals in TBB but
did enough to snatch a median win.LOL NO THEY DIDN’T - The Funky Uncles (10-6) [UP 1]: A massive week for the Funkles as they have been able to stay alive without JJeff. Burrow’s resurgence could be a massive positive moving forward as the Funkles may very well be back.
- Nine Inch Males (9-7) [DN 3]: They are reeling at the moment. CMC’s introduction into the team has seen the rest of the team lose a step as Kupp has not been able to capture his typical form and Patrick Mahomes’ historically bad performance on Sunday sees them take a BIG dip in the rankings.
2023-2024 Post-Week 8 Sour Rankings
- The Portuguese Short Kings (3-13) [UP 1]: A monster result in Week 8 sees them SHOOT up the sour rankings! Great result!
- Transgender Cigs (4-12) [UP 1]: Trans Cigs shipped off Gus Edwards as soon as they saw that 33 point explosion. Could more players be moved on as they are slowly turning into a juggernaut?!
- Choking the Belichicken (4-12) [DN 2]: A valiant effort!
- Spicy Boys (2-14) [-]: Just here for a good time!
The 2023 Zyn Cup – Round 2 Recap & Quarterfinal Draw
ROUND 2 RECAP
The Bitchin’ Batgirls vs. Nine Inch Males: TBB knocked off NIM for the 2nd week in a row and have shockingly marched on to the Quarterfinals. Will there be ANOTHER rematch between TBB & ZYN Dynasty? Tune into the draw to find out.
The Portuguese Short Kings vs. Sad Dads: TPSK pulled off a stunner when they clawed their way to a 2nd Round matchup with the Sad Dads. Unfortunately for them, all good things must come to an end as the Sad Dads’ strong Week 8 performance sees them move on to the Quarterfinals of the coveted Zyn Cup.
QUARTERFINAL DRAW – Winners face The Violent Beauregardes or the Spicy Boys in the Semis
Draw is available below. I got lazy again and didn’t feel like creating a video PLUS I realized I fucked it up last week and you could barely see the draw. 100 Yard Rush for the win!!
SCS (SuperLeague Championship Series) Rankings & Coaches’ Poll
I alluded to this last week in the chat, but we will now have two new rankings for you all to get mad at me about. The positive of these rankings though are they are not by me!
I tried my best to come up with a way to calculate these and this was the best I could come up with. Obviously as we near everyone playing each other at least once, the opponent’s record portion will be null but once we move into the 2nd turn of matchups, it will be a relevant factor. The SCS Rankings are based on the following:
- 25% Points For
- 25% Team’s Record
- 50% Opponent’s Record
| Rank | Team | Points | Trend |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | The Violent Beauregardes | 86 | ↑1 |
| 2 | Sad Dads | 84 | ↓1 |
| 3 | The Bitchin’ Batgirls | 77 | ↑2 |
| 4 | Nine Inch Males | 76 | ↓1 |
| 5 | ZYN Dynasty | 75 | ↑2 |
| 6 | The Funky Uncles | 72 | ↓2 |
| 7 | Choking the Belichicken | 67 | ↑2 |
| 8 | The Portuguese Short Kings | 62 | ↔ |
| 9 | Spicy Boys | 61 | ↓3 |
| 10 | Transgender Cigarettes | 59 | ↔ |
The Coaches’ Poll on the other hand was a brilliant idea presented by NIM Governor, Ryan Dasch. The Coaches’ Poll will be based on rankings submitted by those identified as “Coaches”. The Coaches normally would be anonymous but for the sake of transparency (a core value of this league), the Coaches for this week are:
- Michael Garvey – Trans Cigs President & Governor
- Marvin Sandoval – A Project Manager at EDA
- Ryan Dasch – NIM President & Governor
- Pat Shetzline – TVB President & Governor
And before I hear ANYTHING about how this is rigged, it’s not. These polls will be submitted in an objective manner. I could have included more people in the league in the Coaches’ Poll but people like Ben are far too emotional and we just can’t have that.
| Rank | Team | Avg. Rank | Trend |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | The Violent Beauregardes (3) | 1.25 | – |
| 2 | Sad Dads | 2.75 | – |
| 3 | The Bitchin’ Batgirls | 3.50 | – |
| 4 | The Funky Uncles | 5.00 | – |
| 5 | ZYN Dynasty | 5.50 | – |
| 6 | The Portuguese Short Kings | 6.50 | – |
| 7 | Nine Inch Males | 6.75 | – |
| 8 | Transgender Cigarettes (1) | 7.00 | – |
| 9 | Choking the Belichicken | 7.25 | – |
| 10 | Spicy Boys | 9.50 | – |
Stats & Info as of Week 8
Going to make this brief as I have noticed there are way too many fucking tables in this post.
TOP SCORES/LEAGUE WIDE AVERAGE AS OF WEEK 8
| League-Wide Season Average | ||
| 138.29 | ||
| Regular Season Top Scores | ||
| 1 | The Violent Beauregardes (Week 3) | 202.11 |
| 2 | The Bitchin’ Batgirls (Week 5) | 196.53 |
| 3 | Nine Inch Males (Week 3) | 192.89 |
| 4 | ZYN Dynasty (Week 3) | 191.17 |
| 5 | ZYN Dynasty (Week 5) | 187.21 |
| 6 | Sad Dads (Week 2) | 176.95 |
| 7 | The Violent Beauregardes (Week 4) | 176.94 |
| 8 | The Violent Beauregardes (Week 8) | 175.11 |
| 9 | Sad Dads (Week 8) | 174.67 |
| 10 | Funkles (Week 8) | 174.57 |
LEAGUE WIDE WEEKLY AVERAGE AS OF WEEK 8
| WEEK | LEAGUE-WIDE WEEKLY AVERAGE |
| 1 | 114.15 |
| 2 | 143.21 |
| 3 | 143.67 |
| 4 | 139.78 |
| 5 | 141.20 |
| 6 | 130.91 |
| 7 | 136.17 |
| 8 | 157.23 |
REST OF SEASON STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE – Playoff Teams Only
| RANK | TEAM | SOS |
| 1 | ZYN Dynasty | 54.50 |
| 2 | The Bitchin’ Batgirls | 51.33 |
| 3 | The Funky Uncles | 51.17 |
| 4 | Sad Dads | 47.00 |
| 5 | Nine Inch Males | 44.00 |
| 6 | The Violent Beauregardes | 34.50 |
LOSER LIST AS OF WEEK 8
| TEAM | WEEKS THEY WERE A LOSER | LEAGUE FUND MONEY |
| Trans Cigs | Week 1, Week 5, Week 6 | $15 |
| NIM | Week 4, Week 8 | $10 |
| TPSK | Week 2 | $5 |
| Spicy Boys | Week 3 | $5 |
| Funkles | Week 7 | $5 |
Week 9 Preview & Picks
#10 Spicy Boys vs. #7 Choking the Belichicken
A battle of who wants to win less! CTB win!
#2 Sad Dads vs. #9 Trans Cigs
Trans Cigs will likely trot out Henry Ruggs for this game. Sad Dads W.
#6 Nine Inch Males vs. #8 The Portuguese Short Kings
NIM desperately need a result and this matchup couldn’t come at a better time. NIM get back on track.
#1 The Violent Beauregardes vs. #4 ZYN Dynasty
A very good matchup on paper but I’ve seen this shit far too much. TVB continue their reign of dominance.
GAME OF THE WEEK: #3 The Bitchin’ Batgirls vs. #5 The Funky Uncles
Either game could have been the GOTW but this one seems like a shootout. Not to mention, both teams are in the ZYN Cup. If Joe Burrow continues to light it up, it spells bad news for TBB. Funkles in a TIGHT one.
I did a good job of doing a lot of the leg work on this blog yesterday so I wouldn’t get fired. This is the way. Enjoy Week 9 boys. I love you all. Kisses to my bitches!
Sincerely AND With Love,
Your Beloved Commissioner
AverageFantasyFootballGuy.com 