I have put a shit ton of information in this blog so my recaps here will be less than profound. It was another electric week in the Super League though as we had some Monday Night Madness ensue in two of the matchups. Teams continue to lose while other continue to run laps around the field. Let’s review the week that was. We’re at the midpoint baby… oh fuck that actually makes me sad to even think about.
Week 7 Recap
Goose Egg Galore
I wrote all of these headlines yesterday and while this one is obviously relevant, the MNF game could have presented me with another version. The Miracle in Minnesota happened again as the Trans Cigs pulled of an incredible come from behind victory behind Kirk Fuckin’ Cousins. I will talk more about Kirk in another matchup but wow what a performance. It’s exciting that the bottom of the table matchup ended up being a great game and that’s really why we love fantasy football. Both teams delivered some serious excitement as well as a beautiful double goose egg. Jameson Williams’ incredible 0 catches on 6 targets for the Trans Cigs ended up being just enough to edge out Keontay Ingram’s 0 touches for the Spicy Boys. Great work all around boys.
One Man Show (Again)
SHOCKER! In stunning fashion, ZYN Dynasty is once again reliant on a singular player to carry the load and this week the lucky winner was Travis Kelce. Josh Allen did put in a solid performance, but the rest of ZYN Dynasty did not do much and they really didn’t need to. CTB’s QB carousel nightmare continues to reign on as Tua was outscored significantly by Lamar. This game was never really close once Kelce got cooking but it was a game so I must speak on it for a bit!
“Where the fuck is Bijan at? Since when is Kirk Cousins on the Chargers?“
John must have been pulling his hair out on Sunday watching Arthur Smith and the Falcons lie to the entire world as Bijan rotted away on the bench with an undisclosed illness. To be honest, I think they should be fined for that shit. It’s dirty fucking business and Sportsbooks probably ATE off those prop bets. Anyway, the Sad Dads were lucky that Bijan’s unforeseen dud did not cause them to take a loss. JT’s explosion, ETN’s continual dominance and Javonte Williams’ potential breakout helped them coast to a comfortable victory. However, we HAVE to talk about something. Is Justin Herbert good? I mean I know the Chargers are fucking cursed, but this guy has been touted as elite for 3 years now and he can never seem to get it done. I really believe that Herbert may be Kirk Cousins with a slightly higher ceiling. He puts up numbers every now and then, but when the lights are the brightest, he tends to fold. I definitely would not have traded Mahomes for him but who am I?! TPSK on the other hand got a welcome performance from their rookies as Flowers, Addison and Kincaid combined for 58.3 points. It was Addison though who really showed out for them when they needed it the most in a “completely irrelevant to this game” moment. A nice duel between these two.
“Are you DAB’N, it rekes..?”
This is an acronym that I just created. Once again, TVB‘s WR output was simply off the charts. DiggsAdamsBrownNacua made it tyREKE this week. TVB are scary fucking good. They are working with a wild QB carousel that is simply not affecting them due to their absurd WR output. AJB & Hill’s monster Sunday Night performances put them completely over the top as they coast to their 7th straight median victory and improve their record to 12-2. The only way I see them faltering is through an injury or an unnecessary trade (which I could totally see Pat doing because he is ADDICTED to trading). The craziest part of their current output is that Ekeler has been either hurt or anonymous and if he gets cooking…watch out. The Funkles on the other hand had a tough week even though their primary RB’s put in solid performances. However, Mattison’s struggles and Kmet’s goose egg made this an impossible battle. They are the weirdest team in this league, and I can’t quite tell what their plan is.
TBB’s Got a Fast Carr
The game of the week has once again delivered and my choices for game of the week continue to be on point. What a fucking banger. This one was back and forth from Thursday Night until the final whistle on MNF. Most of Sunday, it appeared that TBB would run away with it as they got incredible production from their 1pm group. However, NIM climbed back into the matchup behind Mahomes’ explosive performance. This set up a Brandon Aiyuk vs. CMC Monday Night Showdown. CMC was able to snag two touchdowns despite having a shaky game including a fumble. But in the end, Aiyuk’s modest effort was enough to keep TBB in the winner’s circle. The late-night stat correction by Sleeper to correct Jerome Ford’s stat line absolutely gave me a panic attack though. What a game.
2023-2024 Post-Week 7 Power Rankings
- The Violent Beauregardes (12-2) [-]: Just an absolute juggernaut that continues to wreak havoc. Prior to MNF, their WRs alone had outscored the Funkles. 7-0 against the median. A FORCE.
- Sad Dads (12-2) [-]: A modest week partially due to Bijan’s undisclosed illness. Javonte’s production and JT’s slow climb are massive positives as they look to knock at TVB’s door utilizing a polar opposite strategy.
- Nine Inch Males (9-5) [-]: Many people have said they really should drop in the rankings after their stunning loss to TBB but they stay put… for now.
- The Bitchin Batgirls (9-5) [UP 1]: 5 straight matchup wins and 6 straight overall wins. TBB have come into their own and were able to finish as the highest scorer on the week even without Breece, CD & Fields. What a feelgood story.
- ZYN Dynasty (9-5) [DN 1]: They put in a good week behind a singular player once again, but they have very clearly regressed and deservedly move down a spot in the rankings.
- The Funky Uncles (8-6) [-]: They are truly in the weirdest spot as they have the pieces to compete but can’t seem to stay healthy. Destiny finally caught them this week as their run off lucky matchup wins came crashing to a halt. They are definitely a playoff caliber team based on what’s below them but they’re going to have to make a decision on their plan very soon with the trade deadline looming.
I think it would be nice if I reworked the bottom of these rankings. There is clearly a massive disparity between the top 6 and the bottom 4 so I will now be ranking the bottom teams based on their weekly performances as well as their overall build for the future. Introducing the new…
2023-2024 Post-Week 7 Sour Rankings
- Choking the Belichicken (4-10): The inaugural 1 spot goes to CTB. They have a very solid QB room and some decent WR pieces. Their RB group is scarce, but they have a key cog in Barkley. They also have three 2024 1sts including their own.
- The Portuguese Short Kings (2-12): They have a Top 3 asset in Jalen Hurts and a very good young WR group. They have a large sum of picks including two 2024 1sts as well as three 1sts in 2025 & 2026. Their RB group is not great but if the young guns continue to develop, they will be in decent shape.
- Transgender Cigs (3-11): They have committed valiantly to the tank as they have racked up a significant number of picks. They have EIGHT 1st Round picks over the next 3 drafts and are sitting on a gold mine in 2024 with three firsts (not only do they hold their own, but they also hold TPSK’s 2024 1st…). Based on draft capital, they would be the #1 team here, but their WR group is not great, and they are leaning heavily on Gibbs to carry the RB room. The draft will be a huge opportunity for them to continue their build.
- Spicy Boys (2-12): They stunned the world last year as they found their way to the Championship game. However, since then they have dismantled their generational underdog of a team. While they hold a large sum of picks over the next two drafts, they only have one 1st round pick in 2024 and it’s not even their own. They need to continue to acquire capital otherwise they may be living down here.
The 2023 Zyn Cup – Round 1 Recap & Round 2 Draw
ROUND 1 RECAP
The Bitchin’ Batgirls vs. Transgender Cigs: TBB comfortably dismantled the Trans Cigs and would have beaten all three Round 1 eligible teams. This puts the unfounded cheating allegations to bed. Pussies.
The Portuguese Short Kings vs. Choking The Belichicken: TPSK pulled off a Monday Night Miracle behind Jordan Addison‘s career game to stay in the Cup. This is why we love the cup. The magic it brings is just incredible. What a story as TPSK moves on.
ROUND 2 DRAW – Winners face ZYN Dynasty or the Funkles in the Quarterfinals
Draw is available below.
Stats & Info as of Week 7 – Mid-Season Comparison to Last Year
I got in the fucking trenches to pump this stuff out. I wanted to see where people were at last year vs. where they are this year. I am also going to give out some mid-season, completely inconsequential awards.
Comparison #1: 2022 Matchup Standings vs. 2023 Matchup Standings
Quick Thoughts:
- Four Teams (TVB, TBB, Funkles & Sad Dads) have posted positive improvements on their matchup records.
- Only two teams had 5+ wins in 2022, there are currently four teams with 5+ wins in 2023.
- Only two teams had 5+ losses in 2022, there are currently three teams with 5+ losses in 2023.
Comparison #2: 2022 Median Standings vs. 2023 Median Standings
Quick Thoughts:
- Four Teams (TVB, Sad Dads, TBB & NIM) have posted positive improvements on their median records.
- Only two teams had 5+ wins in 2022, there are currently four teams with 5+ wins in 2023.
- Only two teams had 5+ losses in 2022, there are currently four teams with 5+ losses in 2023.
Comparison #3: 2022 Overall Standings vs. 2023 Overall Standings
Quick Thoughts:
- Three Teams (TVB, Sad Dads, & TBB) have posted positive improvements on their overall records.
- Two Teams (Funkles & NIM) have the exact same record as they did this time last year.
Mid-Season Inconsequential Awards
Manager of the Mid-Year: Given out to the manager who has shown the best roster management on a week-to-week basis. Trades are not factored in here, rather their weekly roster decisions are the basis. Simply a force of a team and very deserving.
GM of the Mid-Year: Given out to the GM who has improved their team the most through offseason trades and acquisitions. They were absolutely dead at this point last year but made bold moves in the offseason to deservedly be in this position.
Rookie of the Mid-Year: Given out to the rookie who has been the best based on only eye test because utilizing stats is fucking lame but at the same time not picking this guy would be insane.
Hot Seat of the Mid-Year: Given out to the GM whose team has regressed the most through possibly their own undoing. I mean they were a WAGON at this point last year.
Week 8 Preview & Picks
#10 Spicy Boys vs. #8 The Portuguese Short Kings
This matchup is absolutely fucking gross for the 2nd week in a row… TPSK win!
#2 Sad Dads vs. #7 Choking the Belichicken
This game also kinda sucks but Bijan is hopefully not sick. Sad Dads W.
#6 The Funky Uncles vs. #9 Trans Cigs
And the third game of the week that sucks. Funkles get back on track.
RIVALRY OF THE WEEK: #4 The Bitchin’ Batgirls vs. #5 ZYN Dynasty
A match made in heaven as the most heated rivalry in the Super League sees the 9-5 Batgirls take on the 9-5 Name Changers in a potential playoff duel. TBB has some tough matchups but get their whole team back. ZYN Dynasty gets all their guys back as there’s no bye week for some fucking reason this week. ZYN Dynasty in a dramatic one man carries their team show.
GAME OF THE WEEK: #1 The Violent Beauregardes vs. #3 Nine Inch Males
What. A. Game. I mean wow. TVB have had a gauntlet of a schedule playing their 5th straight playoff team. This one is VERY tight on paper and should deliver some serious fireworks. I just really can’t pick against them at the moment. TVB edge out a tight one with Adams’ MNF performance.
I am out of fucking control with these. I’ve spent a good 3.5 hours putting this together. I will lose my job soon. Hope you enjoyed.
Sincerely AND With Love,
Your Beloved Commissioner
AverageFantasyFootballGuy.com 