Another fantastic and high scoring week in the Super League. And with it also came injuries. I think we should turn injuries off. When I was a kid, I always turned injuries, icing and offsides in NHL off and it made the game way more fun. I think the NFL/Fantasy community should consider this. My proposal is as follows:
- Player on your team gets hurt. You’re sad.
- Have no fear! Injuries no longer exist in this fantasy world. It’s fantasy after all!
- Fire up Madden 23 – NEVER buy the new Madden. Just get EA Play and play the old one for free. It’s the same fucking game.
- Simulate the games your player is injured and then you get to use those stats for your fantasy team.
I think this is a fool-proof plan and would provide fun and happiness for all. We, as men, need to look after our mental health and this is an alternative to medication. Okay. Let’s dive into the Week 6 slate.
Week 6 Recap
Thielen Good… For Now
NIM got back on track after a bumpy few weeks with a comfortable victory against the utterly confused CTB. CTB has yet to decide who their QB is or if they plan on competing for a playoff spot. NIM got a resounding 78 points from their nursing home core of Kupp, Allen & Thielen. Mahomes continues to frustrate but that didn’t matter with those geriatrics putting up stats like that. Unfortunately for NIM, the always injured CMC got…injured. It’s not a huge shocker as he does this pretty frequently, but early reports suggest that he may be okay. CMC is the type of guy you hold your breath whenever he’s not on the field, but I would not suggest that to the Nine Inch Males as they could die of suffocation. CTB continue to churn out solid WR production with some middle of the pack guys. Pittman fucking loves Gardner Minshew and Jakobi Meyers seems more than happy to no longer have Mac Jones throwing (or attempting to throw) him the ball. Saquon’s return also gave them a nice boost and truthfully. they were unlucky to not grab a median win.
Zyndaya Beats Up A Tranny
As many of you know, giving praise to the ZYN Dynasty is something that I struggle with. However, I am going to praise them right now. They are really good at getting production from a single player to carry their team week in and week out. Not many teams are as good at getting 1 fucking guy to carry the load. Mostert’s TD rate is absurd and likely not sustainable, but I thought the same thing last year with Jamaal Williams and boy was I wrong. In all fairness, they were missing Najee Harris, so they’ll be fucking pumped to have him back. TCs finish as the loser of the week for the second week in a row and the third time this year. They are a mortal lock for the loser of the year which is not an award but maybe it will be now. This game fucking sucked. I don’t really feel like pretending to talk much more about it.
This Fields Like It Could Be A Problem
I am caught between two minds. You can argue being a top 3 scorer on the week with only 6.92 points from your injured QB is pretty impressive. However, when your backup QB is Russell Wilson, there are some serious signs of concern. TBB gashed their favorite team this week behind some pretty all-around production. The RBs put in some solid shifts and ArSB’s Batgirls debut was met with high praise. Justin Fields’ injury is a massive fucking blow but let’s not harp on the negative. Let’s talk about the positives here! Breece is back, KWalker is not even remotely threatened by Charbonnet & Trey McBride! Yeah, you heard me, fucking Trey McBridge is slowly but surely pushing Julie Ertz’s husband out of the way. TE Factory over here baby. The Spicy Boys put in a solid effort and to be honest there was a point on Sunday where I thought I may lose. Their two TE strategy continues to be a bold one especially when they have Skyy Moore on the bench! Not much else to touch on, this one was not very close.
They Can’t Keep Funkin’ Getting Away With This
The Funkles got another win this week behind some solid RB production. Joe Burrow continues to frustrate as he can’t quite get cooking on a consistent basis. Drake London’s performance was a huge key in this matchup as TPSK honestly put up a solid fight. However, a goose egg from Jahan Dotson was always going to make this impossible. On that subject, what the fuck is going on with him? I really thought he would have a 2nd year breakout campaign, but he has fucking sucked. Can’t trust those Penn State guys. TPSK ran with a very young lineup with 4/5 WRs being at most 2nd year players. There is still hope for the future for them, but this season is going to be a tough one until they can secure a RB. I do very much like that WR room though. The Funkles continue to just get by, and they may just be able to weather the storm until JJeff and Achane come back which honestly would be very impressive.
KyRan And He Ran And He Ran
The game of the week most definitely delivered. Sad Dads handed TVB their second straight matchup loss behind a monster output from their RBs. 105 of their 167 points (63%) came from their RBs. This really was the RB Build team vs. the WR Build Team as they are the top dogs in those respective categories. On the day though, the RB heavy lineup prevailed in resounding fashion. TVB continue to search for the leader at QB as they picked the wrong guy this week in Stafford. They left some serious points on their bench as Stevenson came back to life and Zack Moss ate into JT’s return. TVB can definitely take some positives away though as they snatch another median win staying perfect on the season in that regard. Sad Dads likely will think they deserve the number 1 spot after this victory, but they can fuck off.
2023-2024 Post-Week 6 Power Rankings
- The Violent Beauregardes (10-2) [-]: I know many people were expecting a change in the guard. Not today, Satan. Back-to-back tough matchups and still getting median wins makes them the top dog in my book. They are 6-0 against the median and have the highest PF AND PA amongst playoff teams.
- Sad Dads (10-2) [-]: A statement win against the #1 team is simply not enough to see them move up to the #1 spot. They are JUST barely behind.
- Nine Inch Males (8-4) [-]: A big win to get back on track however an injury to CMC spells serious trouble.
- ZYN Dynasty (7-5) [UP 1]: This is called reverse psychology.
- The Bitchin Batgirls (7-5) [DN 1]: TBB are on a winning streak having secured 4 straight overall wins as well as 4 straight matchup wins. However, Fields’ injury is a massive issue and is the reason they dip a bit in this week’s rankings.
- The Funky Uncles (8-4) [-]: A matchup win but no median sees them stay put. They put on a serviceable performance without their key guys, but soft matchups are the only way they will get wins over the next few weeks without Jefferson & Achane.
- Choking the Belichicken (4-8) [-]: Another genuinely solid output from a team that doesn’t seem to know what they want. They haven’t reached “They’re working very hard and that’s all that matters” territory yet but they are definitely not a playoff team at the moment.
- The Portuguese Short Kings (2-10) [-]: They’re working very hard and that’s all that matters.
- Spicy Boys (2-10) [-]: They’re working very hard and that’s all that matters.
- Transgender Cigs (2-10) [-]: They’re working very hard and that’s all that matters.
The 2023 Zyn Cup – Round 1 Draw
CUE THE FUCKING MUSIC BABY. THE ZYN CUP BEGINS NOW!
I was going to do a video for this, but you guys have pissed me off, so I did this stupid fucking 100-yard dash simulator to determine the Round 1 Zyn Cup Matchups.
ROUND 1 MATCHUPS – Winners move on to face the Sad Dads or Nine Inch Males in Round 2
The Bitchin’ Batgirls vs. Transgender Cigs: TBB are fucked with byes and Fields’ injury but the TCs don’t even like Zyn. TBB move on in the inaugural cup.
The Portuguese Short Kings vs. Choking The Belichicken: TPSK are going to be missing Mixon and CTB have shown some life even without CMC. CTB march on to the 2nd round.
Stats & Info as of Week 6
Below is a quick breakdown of position usage in the league. Some things of note:
- ZYN Dynasty is the only team who is present in either positional average or usage Top 3 across all four positions. That may be a hint to me.
- TVB’s WR usage & average is astronomically higher than the rest of the league. WR continues to reign supreme.
- Spicy Boys have been running the two TE lineup all season, bloating their TE usage stats.
| Weekly Loser List Update | ||
| Transgender Cigarettes | Week 1, Week 5, Week 6 | $15 |
| The Portuguese Short Kings | Week 2 | $5 |
| Spicy Boys | Week 3 | $5 |
| Nine Inch Males | Week 4 | $5 |
Week 7 Preview & Picks
#9 Spicy Boys vs. #10 Transgender Cigs
This matchup is absolutely fucking gross. Spicy Boys win!
#4 ZYN Dynasty vs. #7 Choking the Belichicken
No Pollard or Chase spells serious trouble for ZYN Dynasty. Their matchups are also very tough. CTB get the upset.
#2 Sad Dads vs. #8 The Portuguese Short Kings
As mentioned earlier, TPSK are going to have a tough time in the RB room. Sad Das are missing Wilson and Hubbard, but they should still secure the victory. Sad Dads march on.
#1 The Violent Beauregardes vs. #6 The Funky Uncles
They’ve been rolling and are one of the few teams not affected by the bye week. They should be able to dismantle the Funkles. TVB get back on the winning course in dominant fashion.
GAME OF THE WEEK: #3 Nine Inch Males vs. #5 The Bitchin’ Batgirls
Truthfully these games all suck, and you could make an argument that there is no game of the week. However, this is the best I could drum up. TBB are without some key pieces, but NIM might be without CMC. Only time will tell how this ends up shaking out but regardless, NIM should be able to get the job done.
In typical Tuesday and Wednesday fashion I have neglected all of my responsibilities to produce this blog which contains far too much information. Please for the love of God, someone trade me a QB. And as always, #FUCKKEEPTRADECUT.
Sincerely AND With Love,
Your Beloved Commissioner
AverageFantasyFootballGuy.com 