An electric first week of both the Inaugural and Likely Last #1 Pick Party and the Inaugural Super League Cup Final Championship Super Bowl Playoffs. Most matchups ended up being blowouts, but we did have a nailbiter in the #1 Pick Party. Three teams ended up packing their bags this week and one of them may be the shocker of the season.
Shetzline Continues to Boss Around A McKinstry
The Sad Dads up and down season came to a fiery end this week as they got thrashed by their own family. This isn’t anything new for them as they’re used to a Shetzline telling them what to do. Some valuable points were left on the bench in the form of Tee Higgins & Zay Jones, but nothing would have been able to stop the force that was The Violent Beauregardes this week. If they had both started perfect lineups the Sad Dads still would have fell short. In reality, it was a fantastic season for them. There were moments where they were ranked #10 in the power rankings to get a playoff appearance should provide the team some comfort going forward. They also have some decent draft capital and a rather young team to build on going forward. TVB on the other hand chose fucking violence this week. Speaking about the matchup at their Saturday presser, TVB Governor Pat Shetzline (related to the woman that John McKinstry calls his wife) said, “He may have taken my sister, but I will take his pride.” And I would argue TVB did just that. John hasn’t been heard from in a little while and I imagine that this one really stings. Tune in next week for another playoff edition of Shetzline vs. McKinstry.
What the Fuck…?
There’s always going to be upsets in fantasy. It’s what makes playing it so damn fun. But if there was one matchup, I was sure of this week it was this one. NIM came in hot and arguably the best-built to handle Free Deshaun. However, I forgot to factor in the fact that Spicy Boys are literally hot… Physically. One of the biggest upsets of the season happened in a first-round playoff matchup. NIM will be devastated after seemingly going all in (while also somehow going all out and letting go of CMC) as they fall hard to the #6 seed. The Spicy Boys, who are not exactly known for their savvy roster moves, were forced into starting Jerrick McKinnon & Latavius Murray. Normally, those two names popping up on your opponent’s lineup would send a large sigh of relief. However, McKinnon & Murray decided that they were going to explode and combined for almost 64 points… Just a brutal break for NIM. Poor QB play from Justin Herbert combined with average games from a few key players ended up costing NIM. Are the Spicy Boys getting hot at the right time?
Tony Jones
In our 7 v 8 matchup in the Consolation tournament, we saw TPSK start Tony Jones (a player who was injured for several days prior to the game). I will not speak any further about this game besides leaving you all with this one point: Drake London got 11 points, TPSK lost by 10.11 points. You do the math.
Batgirls Get Ashed
God fucking damn it. Cam Akers did his job, but Christian Watson just couldn’t get it done. Trans Cigs pulled off the monster win behind piece of shit Kirk Cousins 43 points. I really fucking hate that dude. Honestly, I don’t think anyone likes him. He sucks. And I knew I was fucked as soon as they were getting blown out early because it pretty much guaranteed garbage time stat padding by that scumbag. TCs deserve this though. They deserve a shot at the #1 pick more than TBB. They had lost their last 17 ‘matchups’ heading into this one and it was only right that they get on track against TBB. PAIN.
Round 1 Picks: 2-2
Picks to Date: 38-29
Playoff Odds:
- Free Deshaun [-350]
- The Funky Uncles [+150]
- The Violent Beauregardes [+300]
- The Spicy Boys [+850]
Consolation Odds:
- Choking the Belichicken [-350]
- Transgender Cigs [+250]
- The Bitchin’ Batgirls [+500]
Confirmed Draft Spots:
#4 – Portuguese Short Kings
#5 – Sad Dads
#6 – Nine Inch Males
Playoff Preview
(1) Free Deshaun vs. (6) The Spicy Boys
One of the most unexpected tilts takes place this week as David (The Spicy Boys) meets Goliath (Free Deshaun). Goliath comes in after a nice week of rest while David comes in on a serious high after their stunning upset of NIM. Not many people thought this would be a matchup this late in the season, but The Spicy Boys have been notorious for doing the impossible. To even get in the playoffs was a monstrous feat but now they face a test that very few teams have been able to overcome. Josh Allen against an abysmal Bears defense coupled with various other soft matchups makes it almost impossible to pick against Free Deshaun. Sleeper is stupid and doesn’t update their matchups until Wednesday so I have no idea what the Spicy Boys projections look like but what does it even matter…
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING REASON FOR ME NOT TO PICK THE SPICY BOYS. SPICY BOYS ROLL. LET THE MAYHEM CONTINUE!!!
(2) The Funky Uncles vs. (5) The Violent Beauregardes
McKinstry v Shetzline II ends up being our other semi-final matchup. Insane that TVB have to play a McKinstry two weeks in a row but that’s what makes the Super League so special. TVB dodged a massive bullet after the Spicy Boys got through allowing them to get a softer matchup in the semi-final. But The Funkles are no easy matchup. This is a SEXY matchup on paper with both of their strong suits being different skill positions. The Funkles come in boasting the best WR Corp in the league while TVB has slowly turned themselves into RB1 U. Everything about these two teams screams a high-scoring affair. Both QBs have tough matchups which could cause some issues. In the end, I think The Funkles are just going to prove to be too much.
Consolation Preview
(7) Choking the Belichicken vs. (9) The Bitchin’ Batgirls
Fuck me.
BYE – (10) Transgender Cigs
Well, that caps off what was a great first week of playoff action. Soon someone will be planning their championship parade while others will be picking up the pieces as they attempt to figure out where it all went wrong.
AverageFantasyFootballGuy.com 