Great week. Sorry that it’s coming out on a Wednesday. Fucking disgusting by me. A multitude of things contributed to this. I’ll go through each.
- This weekend I had a wedding on Friday night & then chose to fly to LA at 6 am (drunk) to watch the Philadelphia Union play for the MLS Cup. At 3:57pm (PST) on Saturday, I thought I’d be writing a happy blog. Unfortunately over the next 15 minutes my heart was ripped out of my body, run over by Derrick Henry, put back into my body and then run over by Darren Sharpa, one of da hardest hittin’ safeties in da league.
- I had dinner with my fiance’s parents on Tuesday instead of Wednesday (very fucked up).
Okay let’s go.
Soggy Cigs
The Cigs are fucking falling apart at the seams. CEH is losing carries, Kyle Pitts fucking stinks & their lack of star power at receiver has finally caught them. Not to mention, superstar QB Justin Fields’ preseason departure has clearly left a glaring hole at the quarterback position. It is no shock to see them deploying a complete firesale as they attempt to rebuild for the future. Onto the Sad Dads. Another great week as they finish in the top 3 in points and continue to make a serious playoff push. The once 10th power ranked team has continued to solidify their playoff hopes via some savvy moves. Sad Dads GOVERNOR (see how easy that is Jake, fucking racist) is a well-known fantasy savant. However, I find it extremely odd that he continues to just build this odd stack of running backs. For a guy who knows so much about fantasy, you’d think he’d maybe consider strengthening the WR position with the scoring being the way it is. A late afternoon move for Patrick Mahomes helps him move on from his whipping boy in Kyler Murray and at a pretty cheap fucking price I might add.
A Funkin’ Disaster
I love Mata. I really do. But holy shit. I mean my team was a fuckin’ disaster and he has still somehow outclassed me in creating a worse team. Now he has got some picks back that he offloaded in that famous JT trade but boy it is not looking good. A mind-numbingly low score of 89.97 points to take the lowest score in Super League history. I will not discuss this team any longer. The Funkles handled their business. Solid output from the WR position as usual and a mid-game from newly acquired Joey B. The double win sees them move back into the #2 spot. I can foresee them attempting to make a move for a RB as that is clearly a position of vital need.
TVB Sticks a Trident Through Nine Inch Males
Joe. Mixon. Game. Accounting for almost 50% of TVB’s points, newly acquired Joe Mixon (wonder who he got him from) absolutely snapped for 60 points. One of the greatest fantasy performances in history. Rumor has it Pat got in Mixon’s ear before the game and told him that the girl he knocked out in college was a huge Panthers fan and was at the game. Well, brother, it fuckin’ worked. This was a CARRY by Mixon. TVB had 5 of their 9 players in single digit points and Zach Wilson’s putrid 12 points was not much better. They also eked out a median win as TBB’s hot start on MNF with Isiah Likely ended up being nothing but a mirage. TVB continues to make a playoff push as they improved 9-9. NIM’s had a very weird week but were missing one of their key pieces in CMC. Justin Herbert’s disaster of a season continued as he now ranks at QB13 (that’s 6 spots behind Justin Fields FYI). This was always going to be a brutal matchup once Mixon exploded the way that he did. They then went on to make a monster move acquiring Derrick Henry & Darnell Mooney to add some depth. Big move and one that shows their intention to gun for the inaugural Super League Cup Final Championship Super Bowl One Game Series (that is now the name).
Justin’s Field Day Comes Up Way Short
CTB came back in style with a resounding win and they once again finished as the week’s top scorer. After 3 straight matchup losses there seemed to be some cause for concern. However, as a majority of the league has found out, there’s no get back game quite like playing The Bitchin’ Batgirls. Running back play continues to be a strong suit of CTB and they were able to welcome back the ageless wonder who put up a signature performance once again. On paper, CTB is probably the most well-balanced team boasting three top 15 RBs as well as two potentially ELITE QBs. In terms of TBB, no one actually gives a fuck. Out of 9 players only three had double digit points. That being said they almost snatched a median win during MNF but it turned out Duvernay & Likely’s starts were not indicative of how the game would go. There is some light at the end of the tunnel though as Justin Fields continues to put up incredible fantasy stat lines and may be the QB for the future. We shall see.
Deshaun’s Downfall?
A ROUGH week for Free Deshaun. As a shocker to no one I did predict this last week. Bye weeks for key players always made this a tough matchup on paper but Josh Allen’s turnover ridden game only made matters worse. In the end, I’m not sure it was ever going to matter as the Spicy Boys put up some fucking points. However, they then decided to part with 3 of the players who helped contribute to the #2 scoring team in Week 9. Look, Derek got mad because I made fun of his trades. And to be honest it isn’t because I think he didn’t get enough (That is why), it’s because the Spicy Boys are literally in a playoff spot & often putting up numbers with those key guys (specifically Mahomes & Henry). At the end of the day, you’re all allowed to do what you want with your teams but it was just kind of a stunner for me. The Spicy Boys have been one of the less trade heavy teams so to see them move on from those guys after a monster week & further cementing their playoff position was shocking. Maybe they know something I don’t know. Maybe Mahomes is a locker room cancer or Derrick Henry has a degenerative knee, OR MAYBE, Derek was not happy with the way Derrick spelt his name. These are all possibilities!
Week 9 Picks: 4-1 (HOT WEEK)
Picks to Date: 26-22
Post Week 9 & Post Trades Power Rankings as of 11.9.22
- Free Deshaun (13-5) ↔
- The Funky Uncles (12-6) ↑1
- Choking the Belichicken (10-8) ↑1
- 9 Inch Males (11-7) ↓2
- Sad Dads (10-8) ↑2
- The Violent Beauregardes (9-9) ↔
- The Spicy Boys (10-8) ↓2
- Transgender Cigs (7-11) ↔
- The Bitchin Batgirls (4-14) ↔
- Portuguese Short Kings (4-14) ↔
Week 10 Quick Picks
Our first rematch week of the season.
TBB vs. TCs – Another win bitch. (TBB leads the series 1-0)
Sad Dads vs. Spicy Boys – Sad Dads use their newly acquired weapon to assault his old team (Spicy Boys lead the series 1-0)
TVB vs. TPSK – I personally think TVB will win. (TPSK leads the series 1-0)
CTB vs. Funkles – normally a game of the week worthy matchup, CTB might be too much though (CTB leads the series 1-0)
GAME OF THE WEEK: Free Deshaun vs. NIM
- Both teams coming off double losses. Look for a monster back bounce game for both as I see this being a shootout. NIM has the soft matchups. Upset (Free Deshaun leads the series 1-0)
I hope this being late didn’t bother you all too much. And if it did, I don’t give a fuck. I can do what I want. I write this for myself not you guys. It’s cathartic. It helps me cope with reliving in my head Gareth Bale jumping over Jack Elliott and burying the game tying goal in the 128th minute. It helps me deal with the fact that I flew to LA to watch my favorite team lose all while being there for less than 20 hours and not getting drunk. It helps me deal with the fact that I had to fly Spirit.
Goodnight.
AverageFantasyFootballGuy.com 