This blog pains me to write. I prefer writing these after a blowout loss or after a terrible day of work. But no, I am writing this as the most dominant team in the league (top 3 this week, don’t forget it) while watching Boy Meets World again. We’re on the last season. Eric is the only redeeming character. Bunch of shit bags. Anyway, let’s get into what was the worst week ever in the history of fantasy football.
Batgirls Dominant Reign Comes with A Costly Loss
I mean fuck me right? It truly started to feel like things were getting good. I mean yeah, I was well aware that my first two wins were flukey and driven by luck but this week felt different. I fucking dominated and I possessed arguably THE dynasty RB1. But, God, my guy who I love, decided that me getting some semblance of happiness was not in the plan. And to think that I have a share of him in 75% of my leagues is just a heartbreaker. RIP (for the year) Baby Boy Breece. I love you. This is my fault for laughing at the Sad Dads after Javonte got hurt. Is Karma actually fucking real??? Anyway, it was always the Batgirls this week. It just was. The Funkles were without their two top wide receivers and Dak was always bound to suck in his first game back. Joey B has his fucking swagger back (potential him alert), George Pickens & Patty Concussions look like GUYS with Kenny P at the helm and DJ Moore may finally be a free man. IT WAS ALL FOR FUCKING NOTHING THOUGH. I miss you Breece so much already. Oh and then to top it off, James Robinson. Listen you little bitch ass rat. You couldn’t beat out bitch ass ETN. Get the fuck outta here. This is Michael Carter’s team now.
Portugal Is Falling
TPSK was always going to have a tough week but this was brutal. No Jalen Hurts, no party. And to make matters worse this is now their third straight matchup loss & fifth overall loss in a row. A team I was once extremely high on is falling apart at the seams. I was looking over the matchup and was shocked when I missed TPSK’s obvious bye week issues at receiver. And I was even more shocked when I realized they had no bye weeks for their top receivers. Their top receivers are just kind of ass. Brutal situation for the boys right now. Only was I see this getting better is if JT can start to get rolling. The Spicy Boys continue to scrap wins. They’re now sitting comfortably in a playoff spot and survived a week without Cooper Kupp. If the doesn’t show resolve then I don’t know what does. They also grinded out a nail biter of a median win. The Spicy Boys are fucking hot. Team is on a good path though I still do feel depth will be their kryptonite in the end. TPSK on the other hand, it’s not fucking good. Giving away picks, top WRs and then tanking without any true draft capital going forward. Dark times.. dark, dark times indeed.
Nothing Like A Cig After Getting 9 Inches… Or Giving 9 Inches
NIM are fucking good. They’re not my hottest team (Batgirls, obviously) but according to the stats (often wrong), they are indeed the hottest team. Josh Jacobs is a god damn monster. If I had him I’d love to lock up his handcuff in Zamir White. That is simply my unbiased opinion. Anyway, they grinded out the median win but their MAX points would have been #1 in the league after once again leaving a lot of points on the bench. Winning handily even without CMC is an impressive feat. All the “overpays” on waiver scoops are paying off and it turns out JuJu might be fucking worth it after all. They’re HOT even though Justin Herbert sucks. The Trans Cigs on the other hand are trending down. QB continues to violently plague them and the demotion of CEH could play a vital role in their potential collapse. A goose egg from Gallup definitely didn’t help either. And I bet they’re KICKING themselves for trading away a potential top 5 dynasty QB going forward in Justin Fields. Trading to bring him back to the Cig Shack would be a bold, but smart move.
Only (Bye Week) Blues Here Were Deshaun’s Viagra
Beyond dominant. Dominant doesn’t even begin to describe what Free Deshaun are at the moment. #1 in points for, #2 in points against, 6-1 against the median, and 5 out of 7 weeks in the top 3 of scorers. FUCKING. WAGON. They didn’t even have fucking Josh Allen. JOSH ALLEN. And they won by 62… They have a bunch of GUYS. And with some serious trade bait in Deshaun, they may walk to this title. Injuries to ArSB & Metcalf made TVB’s battle even harder but this week seemed like it was always gonna be Free Deshauns. TVB are in a state of flux. 4 straight matchup losses, trying to manage teams across 7 different leagues, being in the bottom 3 of a few of those & also being a piece of shit and wishing injuries on players. They’re just kids man. I don’t really know how I feel about their chances going forward. They’re most definitely not as bad as their record has shown but QB play and injuries to key guys is starting to take its’ toll. Plus, trading Kenneth Walker just completely fucked their shit up. James Robinson’s (who is a piece of shit) trade to the Jets could provide some help to TVB & getting AJ Brown next week should help them get back on their feet. They’ll be okay. Maybe. Probably not.
Father, Forgive Me For I Was Wrong
The Sad Dads are no longer sad. Some would say, Happy Dads. Have you ever had that seltzer? It is fucking disgusting and every flavor has a finishing taste of vegetables. Gross. A few weeks ago they were dead. DeAndre ‘I need a Swifter because I’m Made of Glass’ was out again, Javonte lost his knees (so sad about that), & they prematurely traded away Baby Boy Breece (WHY). But, Kenneth Walker said I fucking got this. And it is only looking brighter with ETN now alone in the backfield and BRob starting to get going. Christ, they even got 11 points from Zay Jones. What does Zay even fucking stand for? Zayn? Zayvonte? Zayndrew? Zayvis? Who knows! And Swift is coming back. PROBLEM. I apologize for saying you were the worst team in the league. I was wrong. And as you’ve all seen throughout this year, I haven’t been wrong much this entire year! CTB on the other hand are getting killed by Lamar’s lack of being Lamar. Not to mention Jeff Wilson’s role has been completely diminished by CMC’s arrival. They’re still a contender but maybe not the force they looked like for a few weeks.
Week 7 Picks: 3-2
Picks to Date: 19-19
Post Week 7 Power Rankings as of 10.25.22
- Free Deshaun (11-3) ↔
- Choking the Belichicken (8-6) ↔
- The Funky Uncles (8-6) ↔
- 9 Inch Males (9-5) ↔
- The Spicy Boys (7-7) ↔
- Transgender Cigs (7-7) ↔
- Sad Dads (7-7) ↑3
- The Violent Beauregardes (5-9) ↓1
- The Bitchin Batgirls (4-10) ↓1
- Portuguese Short Kings (4-10) ↓1
Week 8 Quick Picks
Sad Dads vs. TPSK – Though they’re hot, I do think TPSK finally gets it done.
TVB vs. Spicy Boys – Spicy Boys have to go to a waiver wire for a QB. That is a desolate place. TVB get back.
TBB vs. Free Deshaun – My fun is over. They’re too good.
TCs vs. Funkles – Funkles get a tasty matchup with their big hitters back
GAME OF THE WEEK: NIM vs. CTB
- The newly crowned #2 vs. the slightly falling #3. Starting Mac Jones is going to be fucking miserable and CTB loses Ekeler to just plug in Cook. CTB win.
Well, that’s it. I am a shell of a man at the moment. Breece Hall’s knees have hurt me far more than they’ve hurt him. Before Sunday, I was young & spry, dare I say even happy. But it all came crashing down. This league is my life. And my life, for the rest of this year, is over. I will leave you with this poem I wrote for Breece while sobbing myself to sleep the other night. I call this, Breece You Brought Me Peace BUT NOW I WANT TO DIE
Breece my baby boy, these words are for you
Always putting yourself out there for the crew.
You’re a machine of a back you put out the best scores
I never loved a player like this before.
You work hard at your job, that’s what you do best
Your elusiveness and balance surpass all the rest.
One day you and I, we will meet again
AND WE WILL FUCKING DESTROY EVERYONE. THE END.
AverageFantasyFootballGuy.com 