Week 6 in the fucking books. This is getting fun! We’re now officially a third of the way through the season which definitely makes me a bit sad. A LOT of football to be played and a lot of movement in the playoff standings. Let’s dive into this week.
Turns Out Therapy Works
Are the Sad Dads… good? Very confusing situation going on at the moment. One week they’re the lowest scorer. Next week they’re the 2nd highest. Knocking off the top team in the league is no easy feat. Even with Kyle Murray’s fixation on COD and refusing to care about football, they still got the double win. The young gun RB room put up an incredible 57% of the team’s 150 points. Do better days lie ahead for the dads? Christ, I fuckin hope not. Tough matchup for Free Deshaun though as they genuinely had a good week, relatively speaking (top 3). Josh Allen continues to be the most important player in the side & maybe just overall in the league. QB play has been extremely hit or miss this year but the start up draft #10 overall is paying massive dividends as they now stand alone at the top of the table with a resounding 9-3 record.
The Uncles Get Funky And Continue Violet’s Blues
TVB’s disastrous slide continues as they lose their third straight matchup. Luckily in that same span they’ve grabbed two incredibly important median wins to keep themselves firmly in the playoff race. That trade with TPSK is literally ungradeable because all 4 players involved have been either unforgettable or hurt. Depth/flex positions ended up being their downfall this week but I’m not sure it would have mattered much the way the Funkles came out. After a minor fall from grace via two straight matchup losses, the Funkles came back in style with a dominant performance and a deserved top scorer of the week. QB play continues to be a massive issue but that didn’t stop the Funkles as they got some SERIOUS production from their other players. When your lowest scorer is your QB and you still put up 170, it is time for others to be concerned. TVB may not be what they looked like at one point but considering they’re still in the top 6 in terms of points for, I think they’ll be okay.
A Transgender Cig Chokes Out The Top Dog
And down goes the leader. After surging to 8 straight wins, CTB’s improbable run comes to an end in what ended up being the tightest matchup. Austin Ekeler almost rescued the team and grabbed an improbable win but unfortunately fell just short. This is one of the two matchups that finished without a median win but gave us some semblance of excitement as this week kinda sucked. Lamar’s continued decline ended up being the likely cause of CTB’s loss but getting 7.75 points from all 3 of your flex players combined is probably not very helpful either. Suck it Lou. The TCs, however, are firmly back following last week’s upset of the century to the Batgirls. CEH & JK Dobbins’ situations are definitely a cause for concern but they did get decent output from their bench this week showing that they may have more depth than originally thought. They now sit in the 5 spot in terms of playoff position but they’ll need to make some type of move for a RB soon if they really want to go for it this year.
NIM Show The Spicy Boys What Separates The Men From The Boys
Nine Inch Males continue their surge up the charts as they eked out both a matchup & median win this week. Their starting to look like a legit contender despite Justin Herbert’s recent performances. With DHop coming back, NIM HAVE to be feeling bricked up about the way the boys are playing. Most likely he’ll pop again for steroids cause he’s a piece of shit and it’s probably the only way that offense is ever going to get going. Teaming up with journeyman piece of shit Robby Anderson will probably be a match made in heaven. Moving on, I still kind of like the Spicy Boys. I mean yeah, if there’s no team I’m more hot and cold than the Boys but when it comes to their starting core I think there’s something there. They are still so fucked once we get down the road in this league considering their depth is just driven by older players but maybe Skyy Moore is good. I hope he is. I have him in another league that I’m 1-5 in.
The Wiriyamu Massacre of 2022
So I googled Portuguese Massacre and this is what came up. For context, this doesn’t exactly make sense as this was Portuguese soldiers murdering a civilian population in Mozambique but for the sake of this blog lets pretend the Batgirls are the soldiers and TPSK is the civilian population. And as I just laid out, this was a fucking massacre (it really wasn’t but god it feels good to be a winner). Simply put, the Batgirls are a problem. Maybe not this year, maybe not even next year but in like 5 years, I’m not sure whose beating them. Arguably the hottest team in the fucking league. Not many teams get two wins in a row. But guess who fucking did? THE BATGIRLS! Oh and I can just hear it now: “But they didn’t get the median win” or “Wah, you don’t drink beers when you’re the lowest scorer”.
A lot of haters and losers in this league. Anyway, baby boy Breece & Joey B carried the Batgirls this week and TPSKs continued strategy on not starting Greg Kittle kicked them right in their short little balls. I still think they’re a playoff contender, especially if JT can get rolling after sitting out again this week. Their strategy of changing their long term goals every week may be hurting them but I believe in the little Portuguese Short Kings. Little losers. To me.
Week 6 Picks: 3-2
Picks to Date: 16-17
Post Week 6 Power Rankings as of 10.18.22
- Free Deshaun (9-3) ↔
- Choking the Belichicken (8-4) ↔
- The Funky Uncles (8-4) ↔
- 9 Inch Males (7-5) ↑3
- The Spicy Boys (5-7) ↓1
- Transgender Cigs (7-5) ↔
- The Violent Beauregardes (5-7) ↑1
- The Bitchin Batgirls (2-10) ↑1 (Hottest Team in the League)
- Portuguese Short Kings (4-8) ↓4
- Sad Dads (5-7) ↔
Week 7 Quick Picks
Sad Dads vs. CTB – CTB get back game comes at the perfect time against the media-voted worst team in the league
TVB vs. Free Deshaun – Free Deshaun are without their superstar QB but they have too much depth
TCs vs. NIM – NIM get another friendly matchup. They roll in a blowout.
TPSK vs. Spicy Boys – No Cooper Kupp is going to absolutely kill the boys. TPSK get a big win.
GAME OF THE WEEK: TBB vs. Funkles
Oh fuck off I’m not biased. Its the closest matchup. Sorry!!
Well, that concludes this week’s coverage. A lot of talk around the league about these lowest scorer Tuesday morning beers. (1) I don’t think I ever agreed to it. (2a) If I did, I must have thought my team was really good still. (2b) If I did, it was a mistake, my bad.
So with that being said, enjoy your week. Enjoy the weekend. Go Phils. And DOOP TIL I FUCKING DIE.
Signing off (and #8 ranked team), your beloved commissioner.
AverageFantasyFootballGuy.com 